Well, here it is...
In my humble opinion, this is the absolute number one most important thing that a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) must learn in order to Be Happy, Be Healthy, and Live a Life that Matters. That truly is what we all want, isn't it? That's why it is the tagline for Nurture U Life Coaching. It is also the impetus for all I am doing for myself as an HSP and coaching my clients to do as well.Here it is folks...
CHANGE YOUR STATE; NOT YOUR TRAIT.
Wow, it feels so good to be putting this message out there for you and for all who know, love, work with, and/or parent anyone who is a Highly Sensitive Person. We HSPs are an awesome group that often gets a bad rap. Why? Simply put, because we are in the minority. That's right, HSPs make up only 15-20% of the population. Needless to say, since 80% of the population is made up of non-HSPs, you better believe that society is not set up for us to thrive. But that's ok. That's our responsibility to see that we do. And never fear, we CAN go from feeling like we are just (or sometimes barely) surviving to empowered and thriving by changing our state; not our trait.
So, what exactly is a trait? A trait is an inherited quality that we are born with. It is not something that develops as a result of trauma, poor parenting, lack of discipline, or even by choice. In the case of high sensitivity, it is not a disorder and certainly not something that we need to get over or get rid of (in spite of what you yourself may have thought and likely what you've also been told). You can't submit high sensitivity to any kind of treatment to eradicate it. It is what it is. The idea is to acknowledge, accept, accommodate, and accentuate the trait by learning the tips, tools, and techniques for our sensitive nervous systems to function at our optimal level. That's where changing your state comes in.
What is meant by "change your state?" To paraphrase Merriam - Webster online, the definition of "state" is a mode or condition of mind and/or being. As this clearly implies, a state is merely a temporary quality of existence. Your state can be managed and changed for the better. That is where the power of choice comes in. That is what it means to learn to be more responsive and less reactive. In other words, here's the opportunity for continued growth and development if we make the decision to view our challenges in this matter. Otherwise, we fall prey to the victim mentality and that leaves us helpless, hopeless, and stuck. I don't know about you, but I will take on the work of change rather than wallow in the mire every time!
It's easy to see how if highly sensitive people do not know how to balance their nervous systems for optimal functioning that they get stuck. It's also easy to see how if someone doesn't accept that he or she is an HSP that the person will not practice the tools to stay grounded and centered as the priority they need to be even if that person knows helpful techniques. But get a load of this: Denial of the trait can actually trigger people to go in the polar opposite direction and swing into an even higher, more destructive driven mode and leave the strategies of healthy self-care in the dust. Now why would someone ever do that? Why would someone get stuck, stay stuck, and go even deeper into the muck?
As is so often the case in life, the answer is simple but certainly not easy: low self-esteem. How does that apply to being a Highly Sensitive Person? Unfortunately, low self-esteem can run rampant in the lives of HSPs and dare I say that I'd venture to guess that the higher you score on the HSP scale, the more that might be an issue. But why?
Why are HSPs prone to low self-esteem?
In the words of Dr. Elaine Aron on page 147 of the 25th Anniversary Edition of her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, "HSPs are prone to low self-esteem because they are not their culture's ideal." Ouch...truth hurts, but it doesn't have to. As I said before, an HSP needs to acknowledge, accept, accommodate, and accentuate the trait of high sensitivity. How? Back to the beginning...
Change your state; NOT your trait.
Learn what it takes to balance your unique nervous system to be more calm, confident, and connected. Practice healthy self-care. Make rest, relaxation, and the right amount to sleep for you a top priority. Eat a healthy diet that includes plenty of colorful, fresh fruits and vegetables. Get consistent daily moderate exercise that is the right amount and type for your body. Figure out what brings a smile to your face and find a way to bring more of that into your days. By learning to do these things, and perhaps more importantly giving yourself the permission to do so, you will in effect be changing your state to enhance your trait. Given the right conditions (AKA state of mind, body, and spirit) your sensitivity can be transformed from what you (and most likely others) mistakenly considered a liability into the asset that it actually is. After awhile, you, like me, might come to know and embrace that your sensitivity is actually your Superpower!
That is the vision I continue to hold for myself and for all HSPs. I've said it before and I'll say it again that it is my passion, purpose, and privilege to help Highly Sensitive Women to learn to do this and more. If I can be of help or support to you on your journey of wholeness, please contact me. In fact, we can schedule a complimentary phone consultation to begin to experience and explore how Nurture U Life Coaching could benefit you. In the meantime, hang in there and just decide right here right now to be willing to accept that your sensitivity is a gift. Trust me. I know from experience. That decision alone is already a step in a new direction.
