Prioritize Positivity

 

If there's one thing I have learned in over six decades on this planet, it's the importance of breaking out of our conditioning to live a life of choice. As stated on both my website and my business cards, we need to "STOP living by default and START living by design!" What could be more worthy of our time and attention than that?? Yet, if you are like most of us, you may at times find yourself just plodding along on autopilot without much consideration of where you are headed or if you're finding any enjoyment along the way. No wonder so many people feel like they are just surviving rather than empowered and thriving. So what are we to do? Prioritize Positivity. Let's start with that.

If you've even dabbled in the self help and personal development world, you have likely heard that both Neuroscience and Positive Psychology have helped to flesh out well researched evidence that it pays to be positive. I for one am thankful for that! It intuitively makes sense that positivity would have benefits, but all of the oversimplified positive thinking has earned the label of being not just ineffective, but rather deemed to be "toxic." Ouch. That right there makes you want to keep your positive thoughts to yourself, huh?

Why has this come about? Because as with anything, when the pendulum swings, it swings to the other extreme and the truth gets obscured in the process so it's time to set the record straight. It's a great big topic covered in scholarly articles, best sellers, and even heavy textbooks. Yes, I find that a bit daunting, but here goes my take on it.

The bottom line is that as we go through life, especially in our earliest years, we quite literally download information based on what we see, hear, feel, and are directly taught to believe. Some of what we have learned is priceless. Some? Not so much. In fact, we all have been exposed to experiences and beliefs that are downright dysfunctional, disempowering, and even destructive to our body, mind, and spirit. Some of this was the result of abuse or neglect, but others came about as a result of well meaning parents, teachers, religious leaders, etc. who were doing what they thought was best based on their knowledge and circumstances. Either way, we end up with a lot of (pardon my language) crap that we picked up along the way and it runs like a computer program in the background of our lives - UNLESS we counteract it through consciously creating what we want more of in our lives.

One of the ways we get tripped up is by what is known as "the negativity bias" of the brain. Yep, the brain gives preferential treatment to anything that is negative and lets the positive just slip on by. Why? Because failure to notice the negative can result in tragedy. Failure to notice the positive does not. So, since it is the brain's job to help us to survive, the focus goes to the negative. In the past this was much more warranted as much of the negative was an actual threat like a wild animal waiting in the bushes to pounce whereas today, what triggers the same response might be the morning commute, a barrage of emails, a looming deadline, and things of that sort. Yes, there are still major threats, but most of what we face is not actually dangerous.

Therefore, as Dr. Rick Hanson says, we need to intentionally "take in the good." He has given many talks on the subject and I highly recommend checking out his work. The Positive Psychology literature is also packed with information about this topic as well. In her Positivity 101 course, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson calls it "Prioritizing Positivity" and I absolutely LOVE THAT! Every day, we have to wake up with the intention to prioritize positivity - not deny the negative or hide it under a façade of sunshine and rainbows, but rather, let's choose to invite more of the positive into our lives, hearts, minds, and our bodies. This is not a happy go lucky woo woo Pollyanna suggestion to opt for rose colored glasses. Instead, this is a hard core evidence based scientific way to start to rewire your brain to be more positive. It might seem too simple to ever make a difference, but IT DOES!

I call it Casting a NET to wire in the positive.

There are just 3 steps:

N - Notice something positive.

E - Enhance your experience of it by taking it in with all of your senses long enough to enjoy it.

T - Take it in. Feel yourself breathe in the experience and imagine it sinking into you at a cellular level.

That's it. A simple investment that pays big dividends. The only thing that could prevent you from making this shift is if you choose not to give it a try. What do you have to lose? (Absolutely nothing!) More importantly, what do you stand to gain?! (A much more positive brain!)

Personally, I'm excited to share this with you and look forward to hearing some amazing results.

Commit to doing this at least once a day for 21 days.

No, it's not magic, but I bet if you do it, it will feel like it is.

Now, go out there and Cast that NET! Enjoy :)

Be sure and let me know how it goes.

Thanks!

Are We Doomed?

Are we doomed?

Definitely not my usual opening line, but hey - sometimes we have to step back, look at our current situation and well...just tell it the way it is! So, what in the world prompted THIS after not blogging or sending out an email in a very long time?? Passion. That's right - PASSION! I have a passion for healthy self care and I am still on a mission to spread the good word that has been the main message of Nurture U since its founding in 2005: "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity." It's time we take that to heart.

What specifically spawned this mini tirade? It was rereading Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. In it she reminds us that we need to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a measure of self-worth. She goes on to say that what we need more of is to cultivate play and rest, which she states are essential yet countercultural at best. That is IT as far as I'm concerned. That is exactly what I have been teaching and preaching and empowering my clients to do. That also explains why "the struggle is real." 

How long are we going to allow ourselves to continue to be plagued by the ever growing toxic messages of more, better, and faster? How far can we push ourselves before we really start to feel the effects? How many times are we going to compare ourselves to some filtered social media version of reality and feel like once again we are coming up short? You get the picture. It's time to STOP!

Give yourself the time and space to figure out what is really most important to you. How do you really want to spend your time, money, and energy? Who is important in your life and are you cultivating that connection? What are you doing or want to do that is meaningful and contributes to the greater good?

Don't just keep plodding along. 

Stop living by default. Start living by design.

Be happy. Be healthy. Live a Life That Matters. 

Let me know if there's anything I can do to support you along the way.

If you haven't done so already, visit Nurture U Life Coaching online to learn more about what I do to help you to strengthen mind, body, and spirit to change the things you can. Now more than ever, we have to take the steps necessary to avoid getting sucked into the hustle. I'm all for high achievement and success, BUT it needs to be in alignment with your True Self, your deepest values, and allow for balance. 

Life is short. Be sure to live it. 

The Irony of Healthy Self-Care

 

I so love this picture of me holding my sweet granddaughter. You can almost feel the intensity of the awe that I was experiencing with her in my arms! This was taken over 10 years ago and I'm still in awe of the blessing of being a grandma.

So, what does this have to do with healthy self-care? Literally everything! 

Here goes...

Nurture U is all about how to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. That is the Power Triad for a successful and meaningful life. All three work together synergistically and if one of the elements is missing, it makes it more difficult to have the other two. That's why the tagline for my coaching practice since I founded the business in 2005 has been "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!" 

Think about this beautiful baby girl in my arms. You can see her gentle smile and her relaxed closed eyes.(Side note: look at the hand mudras. She has always struck me as a wise old soul, but I digress.) Clearly she is well fed, comfortable, and deeply contented. As a result, her emotions are calm, she is able to rest and sleep, and she is NOT NEEDY.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like an amazing state of being to me.

And guess what?

We can help ourselves to enjoy and be soothed by this same level of care too.

And the result of choosing to do so?

We too can be well fed, more comfortable, content, calm, able to rest and sleep, and perhaps the most important thing - not needy - and THAT my friend is where the irony comes in.

Oh, how many times do we think or feel that healthy self-care, rest, joyful activities, time alone in nature, etc. are somehow frivolous or God forbid even selfish! Or we give ourselves these things, sometimes out of desperation to survive day to day, but even then our beautiful acts of self love, self compassion, and self-care end up tainted with guilt or the restless feeling that we "should" be doing something else. Seriously - STOP THAT! We all need to know that it's not only OK to take good care of our body, mind, and spirit, it's actually for the best and highest good of all concerned - including us! Nurture U is not about "me first" - it's about "ME TOO!"

What is the result of this healthy self-care?

The bottom line is that as we make it a priority to give ourselves what we need to thrive, it makes us LESS SELF FOCUSED, LESS SELF CENTERED, AND LESS SELFISH. It allows us to feel our best and therefore do our best. We are able to be more present to our loved ones, our responsibilities, our jobs, etc. We feel more calm and responsive, less stressed and reactive. We have more energy. We enjoy more balance. And the list goes on...

So, the irony of healthy self-care is that it epitomizes the reality that "It's not all about you!"

Think about it. Who would YOU rather be? The tired, crabby, negative, needy person or the well rested, calm, happy, person who is able to go out and live, love, and serve. While obviously we can't control everything that contributes to being the best version of ourselves that we can be, we sure can choose what we think, say, and do. That really is up to you! You've got this!!!

Change the things YOU CAN!

For HSPs: Change Your State; NOT Your Trait!

Well, here it is...

In my humble opinion, this is the absolute number one most important thing that a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) must learn in order to Be Happy, Be Healthy, and Live a Life that Matters. That truly is what we all want, isn't it? That's why it is the tagline for Nurture U Life Coaching. It is also the impetus for all I am doing for myself as an HSP and coaching my clients to do as well.
Here it is folks...
CHANGE YOUR STATE; NOT YOUR TRAIT.

Wow, it feels so good to be putting this message out there for you and for all who know, love, work with, and/or parent anyone who is a Highly Sensitive Person. We HSPs are an awesome group that often gets a bad rap. Why? Simply put, because we are in the minority. That's right, HSPs make up only 15-20% of the population. Needless to say, since 80% of the population is made up of non-HSPs, you better believe that society is not set up for us to thrive. But that's ok. That's our responsibility to see that we do. And never fear, we CAN go from feeling like we are just (or sometimes barely) surviving to empowered and thriving by changing our state; not our trait.

So, what exactly is a trait? A trait is an inherited quality that we are born with. It is not something that develops as a result of trauma, poor parenting, lack of discipline, or even by choice. In the case of high sensitivity, it is not a disorder and certainly not something that we need to get over or get rid of (in spite of what you yourself may have thought and likely what you've also been told). You can't submit high sensitivity to any kind of treatment to eradicate it. It is what it is. The idea is to acknowledge, accept, accommodate, and accentuate the trait by learning the tips, tools, and techniques for our sensitive nervous systems to function at our optimal level. That's where changing your state comes in.

What is meant by "change your state?" To paraphrase Merriam - Webster online, the definition of "state" is a mode or condition of mind and/or being. As this clearly implies, a state is merely a temporary quality of existence. Your state can be managed and changed for the better. That is where the power of choice comes in. That is what it means to learn to be more responsive and less reactive. In other words, here's the opportunity for continued growth and development if we make the decision to view our challenges in this matter. Otherwise, we fall prey to the victim mentality and that leaves us helpless, hopeless, and stuck. I don't know about you, but I will take on the work of change rather than wallow in the mire every time!

It's easy to see how if highly sensitive people do not know how to balance their nervous systems for optimal functioning that they get stuck. It's also easy to see how if someone doesn't accept that he or she is an HSP that the person will not practice the tools to stay grounded and centered as the priority they need to be even if that person knows helpful techniques. But get a load of this: Denial of the trait can actually trigger people to go in the polar opposite direction and swing into an even higher, more destructive driven mode and leave the strategies of healthy self-care in the dust. Now why would someone ever do that? Why would someone get stuck, stay stuck, and go even deeper into the muck?

As is so often the case in life, the answer is simple but certainly not easy: low self-esteem. How does that apply to being a Highly Sensitive Person? Unfortunately, low self-esteem can run rampant in the lives of HSPs and dare I say that I'd venture to guess that the higher you score on the HSP scale, the more that might be an issue. But why?

Why are HSPs prone to low self-esteem?
In the words of Dr. Elaine Aron on page 147 of the 25th Anniversary Edition of her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, "HSPs are prone to low self-esteem because they are not their culture's ideal." Ouch...truth hurts, but it doesn't have to. As I said before, an HSP needs to acknowledge, accept, accommodate, and accentuate the trait of high sensitivity. How? Back to the beginning...

Change your state; NOT your trait.
Learn what it takes to balance your unique nervous system to be more calm, confident, and connected. Practice healthy self-care. Make rest, relaxation, and the right amount to sleep for you a top priority. Eat a healthy diet that includes plenty of colorful, fresh fruits and vegetables. Get consistent daily moderate exercise that is the right amount and type for your body. Figure out what brings a smile to your face and find a way to bring more of that into your days. By learning to do these things, and perhaps more importantly giving yourself the permission to do so, you will in effect be changing your state to enhance your trait. Given the right conditions (AKA state of mind, body, and spirit) your sensitivity can be transformed from what you (and most likely others) mistakenly considered a liability into the asset that it actually is. After awhile, you, like me, might come to know and embrace that your sensitivity is actually your Superpower!

That is the vision I continue to hold for myself and for all HSPs. I've said it before and I'll say it again that it is my passion, purpose, and privilege to help Highly Sensitive Women to learn to do this and more. If I can be of help or support to you on your journey of wholeness, please contact me. In fact, we can schedule a complimentary phone consultation to begin to experience and explore how Nurture U Life Coaching could benefit you. In the meantime, hang in there and just decide right here right now to be willing to accept that your sensitivity is a gift. Trust me. I know from experience. That decision alone is already a step in a new direction.

Creating an Integrative Energy Shift for the New Year - Part 2: The "Triple A" Avenue of Success

As we are now in the first full week of the New Year, I hope that you are enjoying the opportunity to create the Integrative Energy Shift that I wrote of in the previous post. The 4 P's of the Paradigm provide the framework and foundation for you to enjoy a New Year and a New You. In this post, we will explore the more active aspect of the 3 A's that will help to pave the avenue to success.

A-1  Attitude
It has been said that attitude is an even more powerful aspect of success than aptitude. This is clearly evident time and time again as the cream continues to rise to the top consistently and predictably.
The beauty of this quality is that our attitude is always totally within our control. As we traverse the road of life, there are indeed many detours. There will inevitably be delays, seemingly wrong turns, and plenty of unexpected and even unwanted events along the way. The fact is (and sometimes we would rather not admit it) that so many of these things will indeed be out of our control in spite of planning for progress to the best of our ability. Ironically, it is in the midst of these challenges that we can awaken and step more fully into our power as we choose our responses rather than silently acquiescing to living in the bondage of simply reacting. What was once our Achilles heel can be transformed into a confident foothold and a step in the right direction. Yep - All that from the realization that no matter what, we get to choose our attitude.

A-2 Action
Of course, nothing is going to happen until we happen to get going. While every marvelous manifestation starts as a seed that is firmly planted in good soil, we want to be good stewards as we commit to tending the seeds. Once we have a firm foundation for change and a winning attitude, we need to take inspired action to keep the energy moving. Why "inspired action"? Because even as we set about to bring our dreams to fruition, we need to continue to check in with ourselves to ensure that we are acting for the highest good. Otherwise, action can become an ego-driven, exhausting effort that leads us down the wrong road. Action driven by ego leads to burn-out rather than the joy and fulfillment that can be ours from the merging of head and heart in purposeful productivity. Trust me, joy is a highly sensitive and reliable instrument for gauging success. Don't fall prey to the belief that life must be a perpetual race and struggle to the finish line. Not every moment will be spent in Nirvana, but when you choose to act from inspiration, things will change. You may be doing the same job, the same activities, and be around the same people, but if you truly connect with the deeper motivation for why you do what you do, it changes the energy you bring into action and transforms your experience. I dare you to head for more joy. You can thank me later.

A-3 Affirmation
Sometimes I feel that the subject of "doing affirmations" has been so distorted by those purporting to help you to radically change your life in 3-7 easy steps or days or whatever, that I almost hesitated to include this important information. However, we do need to use the power of affirmation on the road to success. We need to affirm not just the new creation we are in the process of becoming, we need to affirm ourselves in the process. This can get a little tricky as I have learned firsthand coaching so many people to positive change. Again, in order to effect truly lasting change, we need to once again engage both the head and the heart to ensure we are acting in our own best interest. By that, I do not mean that we act in the ways of the world to protect ourselves, to strive to arrive at bigger, better, faster, and more, more, more. I mean that we are affirming at all times what we know to be the Truth of what is in our best interest from the perspective of our souls. (By soul, I am referring to the holistic, transpersonal nature that comprises your entire being yet goes beyond it as well. The soul is a term hard to define in the context of this post. Suffice it to say it is the Real You.) We need to affirm what we know to be a higher level of self-realization. We need to Trust that as we act for our highest good, that it is for the highest good of all those around us as well. When we act for our highest good, we are being of service by radiating who we are just by being who we are and this is the impact we have on the universe. This is our legacy. So, affirm who you ARE in the process of change and what you are willing to do, to choose, to release, to be. This may be an area you want additional support for in order to choose the affirmations that resonate the energy of change, yet does not create a conflict. Yes, this is tricky, but I am more than happy to act as your guide and assist. Be open to seeking support as needed. (Don't be stubborn on this one, ya hear me? Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It is a commitment to strengthen all that you have. Believe me, I know!)

Well, congratulations! If you read Part 1 and Part 2 of Creating an Integrative Energy Shift in the New Year, you have given yourself a valuable gift. You are now empowered with the complete picture of the Nurture U perspective on how to condition your mind, body, and spirit for success in this New Year! As someone who has used this approach with countless clients, it is my privilege to share it with you. It brings me great joy just knowing that we have connected through the power of the written word. I wish you the very best as you continue the journey.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and highest good.

With Blessings, Love, and Light,
Nurture U

Creating an Integrative Energy Shift for the New Year (and Every Day!) Part 1: The P4 Paradigm for Change

The P4 Paradigm is the foundation of how to condition your mind, body, and spirit to create and sustain the changes you wish to make in the New Year or at anytime. This powerful format emerged from years of working with life coaching clients and wellness program participants. It has been developed from extensive knowledge and training in education and the social sciences as well as the less traditional fields of life coaching, hypnotherapy, yoga, and meditation. This paradigm is holistic in nature and reflects ancient wisdom that spans a myriad of traditions and is now increasingly backed by scientific research. We live in an exciting time of growth and change. Embrace this knowledge to empower yourself to dare to lead a life of greater joy and fulfillment. It is my hope that you will use this paradigm as a structural framework of support throughout your continuing journey of self-realization.

P1 - Positive

Whatever your intention is for your life, you must learn to focus your attention in a positive manner on what it is that you DO want to be, do, and have in your life. So much time and energy is wasted on complaining and focusing on what we don't want to be, do, or have which is not only counter-productive, but it is downright draining as well. We need to acknowledge our present reality as what has been created by the past and not as our life sentence for the future. Ironically, the most significant error most people make in "trying to be positive" is not knowing how to handle the negative. We need to allow for that which we consider to be negative to be brought into our conscious awareness without any resistance on our part. To deny negativity creates resistance and resistance blocks the flow of positive energy. One of the biggest problems that can come from this is that by denying the negative thoughts and feelings, we do not release them or lessen their impact, we simply send them "underground" where they fester and foster a free-floating fear and sap our energy, our life force, our strength. It is far better to spend time in meditation and simply allow those thoughts, feelings, and sensations to float like clouds across the calm background of what I call the "Blue Sky Mind" - you notice them, acknowledge them, and let them pass by. This will indeed free your mind and your energy to be more fully present to manifest your positive intentions. Positive energy flows naturally and freely if it is not blocked or diverted. Enlisting the help and support of a trusted healer, life coach, meditation teacher, or even guided meditation audios can aid you in this process.

P2 - Persistent

Persistence is the key to whether or not your intentions and resolutions "stick." How many times have you resolved to eat right, exercise, meditate daily, get organized, or ______________ (fill in the blank with any resolution you have made) and found that by the 2nd week (or let's face it - sometimes the 2nd day or let's be really honest - the 2nd hour) your resolution crashed and burned in the face of temptation or lethargy or whatever! That phenomenon comes from clinging to the fantasy that change happens all at once or that it should be easy. To cling to that fantasy is a recipe for disaster. Change takes persistence. Change takes time. Change is a process, not a one-time event. Change is challenging - Period. Sorry to burst the bubble of illusion, but that is part of my job as a life coach. I support you in making change by helping you embrace the truth. Now, here's the good news: Change is Fabulous! People create positive changes all the time and you can too! Just allow yourself the time, the space, the gentleness, the support, and the joy to bring it about. There are so many things you can do to keep yourself on track and focused. Stay open to the tools and techniques that work best for you. Enlist the support of people who radiate positive energy and will help you to hold your vision for change.

P3 - Pervasive

In order for a resolution or intention to be manifested into reality, you need to check the "ecology" of the goal. In other words, what effect will this intention have on other areas of your life? How will your goal impact your energy level, your relationships, your home, your career, your time, your finances, etc.? These are essential to consider and to include into your underlying motivation to allow your intention to be expansive, to grow, to encompass and have a positive effect not only on you, but on your entire life as well. A good life coach can help you in this regard by asking the questions that will elicit the information needed to reframe your goals to have the greatest impact on your life. This is part of what makes change so fabulous! It turns a personal resolution into a revolution.

P4 - Peaceful

Here's the kicker: Change is challenging, but it does not need to create distress. Distress comes from the stories that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we should do. Distress comes from not following intuitive guidance. Distress comes from trying to force outcomes that are not in alignment with our highest good. Distress comes from ignoring the inner voice. Distress comes from not taking action in the direction of our calling. Distress, distress, and more distress. The antidote to distress is simply to come from a place of peace. It is in the silence of our minds and hearts that we have access to our highest intentions, our next step, inspired action plans, and the affirmation of our direction. Without allowing ourselves to rest and relax in the alpha state of mind, we simply cannot function at our highest level. We all must carve out the time for meditation, quiet contemplation and reflection, and calming activities that get us out of a driven state of being and into the power of being the driving force in our lives.  Peacefulness is not the opposite of productivity; it is a pre-requisite. Find the tools, techniques, teachers, and texts that will bring help you connect with your inner peace. Again and again, we will come back to the need for peace in the process of change.

(Part 2 in this series will focus on the Triple-A Avenue of Success.)

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and highest good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U