The term "Circle of Influence" comes from Stephen Covey's classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Although it has been many years since I first read it, I distinctly remember the impact it had on me as it and continues to have on me as well. Reading the book precipitated a number of a-ha moments and still does. It is one of those classic books that you can read multiple times and the content sinks in at a deeper level as your own consciousness has expanded along the way. It is a true gem in my personal library.
Covey distinguishes between the Circle of Influence and your Circle of Concern. He has a graphic showing the circle of our concerns as the outer circle and the circle of our influence as the inner circle. One of the fascinating aspects of his work around this concept is that the inner circle actually grows or shrinks in response to how we live our lives, thus being what we CAN exert a degree of influence over. This circle includes such things as choices we make, the words we say, our actions, and even the thoughts we give our time, attention, and credence to. This is indeed the circle that encompasses the key foundational skills that are the basis for all the work I do through Nurture U Life Coaching:
1) Calm Your Life
2) Care for Your Body
3) Grow Your Joy!
All three of those areas are contained within the Circle of Influence and that, my friends, is exactly where we should be spending our life's energy - our greatest resource - to make the greatest impact on ourselves, and the people, circumstances, and events of our lives. In other words, that is how we can enhance our happiness and health and be up for the task of making a meaningful contribution during our time on this planet. I simply cannot stress this fact enough. It is vital to the well-being of society and contributes to the highest good of all concerned including YOU!
Contrast that hope-inspiring picture with spending the bulk of your life hanging out in the Circle of Concern. This outer circle represents all of the things that we are, well...concerned about! These are the really big things that people have dealt with throughout the ages and currently in our society, we have been facing some monumental challenges indeed: the global pandemic, systemic racism, climate change, and violent crime - just to name a few. Those are indeed things that concern us, and should concern us, BUT due to their magnitude, there's only so much we can do. These concerns can lead us to anxiety, depression, a sense of being hopeless victims, and even trigger an almost obsessive rumination on all that is wrong with society and often to the exclusion of the bigger picture that includes all that IS working in our lives and the lives of others.The Circle of Concern also includes a myriad of "little things" we have no control over yet can consume our daily lives such as the weather, clothes left scattered on the floor, the cap not replaced on the tube of toothpaste, people being late, the way people drive, being ignored by a coworker, and obviously this list could go on and on and on, but you get the idea.
So, what are we to do?
Focus the majority of your resources - your time, attention, money, and all else that involves the expenditure of your energy on your Circle of Influence. When you find yourself feeling frustrated, sad, angry, overwhelmed or any such emotions regarding those worries and issues in your Circle of Concern, ask yourself, "What CAN I do about this?" If there is a concrete action you can take?
Is there something you need to say about this issue? If so, does it need to be expressed to a particular person or group or is it something you just need to share with a trusted friend or even in the privacy of your own journal? Is there a shift in your thinking that would help? Can you offer a prayer and/or send compassionate, loving energy to the person or situation? You get the point. The idea here is to stay out of or shift out of being stuck in reacting to what is happening around you and to choose to be more responsive. That is our power.
So next time you find yourself getting reactive, pause for a moment, take a deep breath and start moving in the direction of being more responsive. This allows you to get into the habit of creating space between a stimulus and your response. As it has been said so many times by so many others (yet it bears repeating) that is what it means to be responsible - to be responseABLE - able to respond rather than to simply react.
This is an area that will inevitably give us on-going opportunities for growth. It is not something we learn once and then we've got it! No, this is one of those "journey of a lifetime" processes that require us to continue our commitment to becoming more mindful and transforming ourselves and our lives for the betterment of all.
May you be blessed on this journey. I'm here to support you.
In the words of Ram Dass, "We're all just walking each other home."
Namaste"
