Are We Doomed?

Are we doomed?

Definitely not my usual opening line, but hey - sometimes we have to step back, look at our current situation and well...just tell it the way it is! So, what in the world prompted THIS after not blogging or sending out an email in a very long time?? Passion. That's right - PASSION! I have a passion for healthy self care and I am still on a mission to spread the good word that has been the main message of Nurture U since its founding in 2005: "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity." It's time we take that to heart.

What specifically spawned this mini tirade? It was rereading Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. In it she reminds us that we need to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a measure of self-worth. She goes on to say that what we need more of is to cultivate play and rest, which she states are essential yet countercultural at best. That is IT as far as I'm concerned. That is exactly what I have been teaching and preaching and empowering my clients to do. That also explains why "the struggle is real." 

How long are we going to allow ourselves to continue to be plagued by the ever growing toxic messages of more, better, and faster? How far can we push ourselves before we really start to feel the effects? How many times are we going to compare ourselves to some filtered social media version of reality and feel like once again we are coming up short? You get the picture. It's time to STOP!

Give yourself the time and space to figure out what is really most important to you. How do you really want to spend your time, money, and energy? Who is important in your life and are you cultivating that connection? What are you doing or want to do that is meaningful and contributes to the greater good?

Don't just keep plodding along. 

Stop living by default. Start living by design.

Be happy. Be healthy. Live a Life That Matters. 

Let me know if there's anything I can do to support you along the way.

If you haven't done so already, visit Nurture U Life Coaching online to learn more about what I do to help you to strengthen mind, body, and spirit to change the things you can. Now more than ever, we have to take the steps necessary to avoid getting sucked into the hustle. I'm all for high achievement and success, BUT it needs to be in alignment with your True Self, your deepest values, and allow for balance. 

Life is short. Be sure to live it. 

The Irony of Healthy Self-Care

 

I so love this picture of me holding my sweet granddaughter. You can almost feel the intensity of the awe that I was experiencing with her in my arms! This was taken over 10 years ago and I'm still in awe of the blessing of being a grandma.

So, what does this have to do with healthy self-care? Literally everything! 

Here goes...

Nurture U is all about how to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. That is the Power Triad for a successful and meaningful life. All three work together synergistically and if one of the elements is missing, it makes it more difficult to have the other two. That's why the tagline for my coaching practice since I founded the business in 2005 has been "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!" 

Think about this beautiful baby girl in my arms. You can see her gentle smile and her relaxed closed eyes.(Side note: look at the hand mudras. She has always struck me as a wise old soul, but I digress.) Clearly she is well fed, comfortable, and deeply contented. As a result, her emotions are calm, she is able to rest and sleep, and she is NOT NEEDY.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like an amazing state of being to me.

And guess what?

We can help ourselves to enjoy and be soothed by this same level of care too.

And the result of choosing to do so?

We too can be well fed, more comfortable, content, calm, able to rest and sleep, and perhaps the most important thing - not needy - and THAT my friend is where the irony comes in.

Oh, how many times do we think or feel that healthy self-care, rest, joyful activities, time alone in nature, etc. are somehow frivolous or God forbid even selfish! Or we give ourselves these things, sometimes out of desperation to survive day to day, but even then our beautiful acts of self love, self compassion, and self-care end up tainted with guilt or the restless feeling that we "should" be doing something else. Seriously - STOP THAT! We all need to know that it's not only OK to take good care of our body, mind, and spirit, it's actually for the best and highest good of all concerned - including us! Nurture U is not about "me first" - it's about "ME TOO!"

What is the result of this healthy self-care?

The bottom line is that as we make it a priority to give ourselves what we need to thrive, it makes us LESS SELF FOCUSED, LESS SELF CENTERED, AND LESS SELFISH. It allows us to feel our best and therefore do our best. We are able to be more present to our loved ones, our responsibilities, our jobs, etc. We feel more calm and responsive, less stressed and reactive. We have more energy. We enjoy more balance. And the list goes on...

So, the irony of healthy self-care is that it epitomizes the reality that "It's not all about you!"

Think about it. Who would YOU rather be? The tired, crabby, negative, needy person or the well rested, calm, happy, person who is able to go out and live, love, and serve. While obviously we can't control everything that contributes to being the best version of ourselves that we can be, we sure can choose what we think, say, and do. That really is up to you! You've got this!!!

Change the things YOU CAN!

The Most Important Freedom

FREEDOM!

Now there's a "Hot Topic" these days, huh? It seems like everyone is questioning freedom. Rights that we once thought were sacrosanct are now being threatened and/or lost. That said, what I find to be a most curious sociological phenomena is that regarding a myriad of issues, what one group of people is deeming as a loss of freedom, another group of people is claiming as a victory. Let's just say that things are very complicated these days and I'm not going to go there.

What I am most wanting us to preserve at a time of civil and political unrest is our Personal Freedom. Even though there are times that we are reactive and are triggered based on our past programming and experiences, WE REALLY DO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHAT WE SAY AND WHAT WE DO. Where that gets tricky is that what we say and what we do comes from what we are thinking and feeling. Thoughts trigger feelings, and feelings in turn affect what we say and do. This can create a downward spiral of doom that leaves us feeling like a victim trapped by negative circumstances, people, and events or it can be a wonderful source of healing and affirmation that leads us in the direction of greater happiness, health, and success. So, in order to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, we really do need to get a better handle on our thoughts as the powerful influence in our lives that they are. 

Even though we can't always choose our thoughts and feelings, we can however become more aware of them as the messengers they are intended to be. For example, thoughts and feelings alert us to potential threats, whether real or imagined, and it is our job to figure out which is which as we grow in conscious awareness of what we are thinking and feeling and the energy behind it all. Our thoughts and feelings also serve to inform us of the wounds of the past that we have carried into the present. This truly is an on-going journey for all of us. As it has been said, there really is no end to personal and spiritual growth and development. The beauty of growing in conscious awareness is that we can then choose which of our thoughts to give our attention to - those coming from the energy of Love that are for our best and highest good or those coming from the energy of fear, limitation, and doubt that are in need of processing and healing. This is where the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration come into play. Although we certainly don't control everything in our lives, where we choose to place our attention and the energy we are broadcasting are definitely and strongly influencing the direction of every area of our lives. So, when I say we can "choose our thoughts" that is what I am referring to, not the idea that we can control them all. (By the way, as someone trained in the fields of sociology, psychology, and education, I absolutely love that scientific research is now able to explain and validate many of these ancient principles that some people still write off as "woo woo" and New Age nonsense!) 

On a personal note, you may have noticed that it has been quite a while since my last article. There's a reason for that. As I continued to focus on growing and expanding my business to be of highest service to more people, I found myself turning to "the experts" in the field and spending far too much of my time, energy, and money investing in their knowledge, courses, coaching, books, groups, and ways of doing things instead of trusting myself, my mission, and my intuition. So after going down way too many rabbit holes, I am coming back to the ultimate freedom - The Freedom to BE ME! How ironic that this is a big part of what I help my clients to do on a daily basis. We really do teach what we most need to learn - and I am ok admitting that. We are all a work in progress. 

That's why it is important when seeking help to change your habits and ultimately your life that you work with someone who truly values YOU and YOUR PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT. That way, you have the benefit of working with someone who will facilitate programs and sessions that allow you to feel in charge of your life rather than being dependent on them. Like me, you may still get tripped up in viewing even good advice as "shoulds, musts, and oughts," but if you are working to heal that pattern and find the right person or people to support your process, it will always lead you back to your own inner wisdom.

May you be blessed with the inner freedom to follow your own unique path to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Please let me know what I can do to continue to support you along the way. 

 

Stay in Your "Circle of Influence"

The term "Circle of Influence" comes from Stephen Covey's classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Although it has been many years since I first read it, I distinctly remember the impact it had on me as it and continues to have on me as well. Reading the book precipitated a number of a-ha moments and still does. It is one of those classic books that you can read multiple times and the content sinks in at a deeper level as your own consciousness has expanded along the way. It is a true gem in my personal library.

Covey distinguishes between the Circle of Influence and your Circle of Concern. He has a graphic showing the circle of our concerns as the outer circle and the circle of our influence as the inner circle. One of the fascinating aspects of his work around this concept is that the inner circle actually grows or shrinks in response to how we live our lives, thus being what we CAN exert a degree of influence over. This circle includes such things as choices we make, the words we say, our actions, and even the thoughts we give our time, attention, and credence to. This is indeed the circle that encompasses the key foundational skills that are the basis for all the work I do through Nurture U Life Coaching:

1) Calm Your Life

2) Care for Your Body

3) Grow Your Joy!

All three of those areas are contained within the Circle of Influence and that, my friends, is exactly where we should be spending our life's energy - our greatest resource - to make the greatest impact on ourselves, and the people, circumstances, and events of our lives. In other words, that is how we can enhance our happiness and health and be up for the task of making a meaningful contribution during our time on this planet. I simply cannot stress this fact enough. It is vital to the well-being of society and contributes to the highest good of all concerned including YOU!

Contrast that hope-inspiring picture with spending the bulk of your life hanging out in the Circle of Concern. This outer circle represents all of the things that we are, well...concerned about! These are the really big things that people have dealt with throughout the ages and currently in our society, we have been facing some monumental challenges indeed: the global pandemic, systemic racism, climate change, and violent crime - just to name a few. Those are indeed things that concern us, and should concern us, BUT due to their magnitude, there's only so much we can do. These concerns can lead us to anxiety, depression, a sense of being hopeless victims, and even trigger an almost obsessive rumination on all that is wrong with society and often to the exclusion of the bigger picture that includes all that IS working in our lives and the lives of others.The Circle of Concern also includes a myriad of "little things" we have no control over yet can consume our daily lives such as the weather, clothes left scattered on the floor, the cap not replaced on the tube of toothpaste, people being late, the way people drive, being ignored by a coworker, and obviously this list could go on and on and on, but you get the idea.

So, what are we to do?

Focus the majority of your resources - your time, attention, money, and all else that involves the expenditure of your energy on your Circle of Influence. When you find yourself feeling frustrated, sad, angry, overwhelmed or any such emotions regarding those worries and issues in your Circle of Concern, ask yourself, "What CAN I do about this?" If there is a concrete action you can take?

Is there something you need to say about this issue?  If so, does it need to be expressed to a particular person or group or is it something you just need to share with a trusted friend or even in the privacy of your own journal? Is there a shift in your thinking that would help? Can you offer a prayer and/or send compassionate, loving energy to the person or situation? You get the point. The idea here is to stay out of or shift out of being stuck in reacting to what is happening around you and to choose to be more responsive. That is our power.

So next time you find yourself getting reactive, pause for a moment, take a deep breath and start moving in the direction of being more responsive. This allows you to get into the habit of creating space between a stimulus and your response. As it has been said so many times by so many others (yet it bears repeating)  that is what it means to be responsible - to be responseABLE - able to respond rather than to simply react.

This is an area that will inevitably give us on-going opportunities for growth. It is not something we learn once and then we've got it! No, this is one of those "journey of a lifetime" processes that require us to continue our commitment to becoming more mindful and transforming ourselves and our lives for the betterment of all. 

May you be blessed on this journey. I'm here to support you. 

In the words of Ram Dass, "We're all just walking each other home."

Namaste"

Permission to Subsist - Taking a Much-Needed Break from the Pursuit of Excellence

Strive for excellence. Always do your best. Be all you can be...
Who could argue with this advice? It is the foundation for success from the time we are so very young until the time of death. It is the backbone of personal and professional success and extends from our closest relationships to society in general and the effects are so far-reaching that the energy of the Universe shifts because of the choices we make throughout our incarnation.

Ok, how's that for pressure when you are not feeling well?

Although I am speaking of excellence in a seemingly cavalier manner, it is simply meant to draw our attention to the fact that we are after all human. It seems to me that while religion, psychology, new age philosophy, and the self-help movement, along with any other push for excellence,  have the best of intentions to inspire and motivate us to be our best, there comes a time that we have to face the fact that we are feeling depleted or already have run out of steam. In fact, there are times that we are just plain "done" or knocked down so far that we can't get right back up. Yep, even the best of us get ill.

As if the symptoms that are the particular manifestation of our body's chosen crisis are not enough, we add in a strong dose of guilt that we have failed in our super-human wellness efforts and succumbed to the lot of the masses of people who do not practice healthy self-care. The guilt is then another layer that needs to be exposed and takes energy to heal and move past before the illness passes. Add to the guilt, the feeling that it is not fair to be feeling this way and it certainly shouldn't have happened to me! What a waste of time and energy! (Trust me, I know...)

So, here's the deal...As a human, how about if you accept that there are times that you just need to shut down, take a break, get some rest, blow off some steam, do nothing, read a good book, go for a walk, and yes, you may even need to realize that in spite of your efforts, you are down for the count. Once that happens, it is time to give up, give in, and hopefully renew and refresh your energy as quickly as possible and move on. If you find that you are feeling less than your best, you need to accept that while it is not the experience you may want, it is the experience you are having. Time to shift into rest and recovery mode. Your excellent life will be there waiting for you when you bounce back into full force action.

Rather than wallowing in guilt and self-pity, use your downtime to affirm that you are investing your time and energy to once again connect with your wholeness. Respect whatever intuition comes to you about what your body, mind, and spirit need. It is important to love and deeply care for yourself at all times, but especially be mindful of the tendency not to when stressed or ill. That is the destructive downward cycle that can lead to debilitating disease when you refuse to allow yourself time to just exist or God forbid, to subsist.

Simply put: Drop the Perfection. Practice Self-Love.
As you allow your Spirit to soar in an atmosphere of support, you will be once again shift back into the Power of Creating from Cause and excellence will no longer be the goal, it will be the Effect.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U

Healthy Self-Care and Spirituality: A Marriage Made in Heaven

Ultimately, everything I teach and preach, whether as a meditation group facilitator, a writer, a book discussion group leader, a workshop facilitator, a motivational speaker, a Life Coach, or even as a mom, spouse, grandma, family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, or yes, even a stranger, if it comes from my heart of hearts, is intended for the Highest Good of all concerned, including me. The Highest Good, in my mind, is to be committed to Conscious Living as we continue our daily walk along the path of the Spiritual Journey that we simply call our "Life."

So, what is the role of healthy self-care and why is it so important?

Healthy self-care truly provides the essential foundation not just for wellness, but for Conscious Living as well because without the benefit of healthy self-care, the mind and the body can become distractions or even perceived to be obstacles in the process of Transformation. As it has been said, your body is the vehicle that houses the soul and I might add, your mind is the bridge between the two. Anything you wish to manifest in this lifetime, which runs the gamut of all you wish to have, be, and do, will be manifested through the combined Wisdom and the Power of Mind, Body, and Spirit. That is true whether we are referring to attracting more money, enjoying the mutual support of loving relationships, sky-rocketing to career success, or any other aspect of living. If any one component of the triad is out of balance, it will inevitably have an effect on your entire Being. 

Let's face it, it is far more difficult to function, let alone shine, if we don't have the energy to get out of bed. How can we expect to live a life of purpose, when we are so busy and stressed that we never take a break from the hyper-beta state of the racing, thinking mind to relax, renew, and refresh? How do we purport to know what the next action steps we need to take are when we haven't even stopped long enough to even consider the direction in which we are heading at the speed of life? Can you imagine driving your car, but not taking the time or making the effort to maintain it and, at the most basic level of care, to provide the proper fuel and fluids needed for it to run smoothly and efficiently? Of course you know what would happen! We care for our cars as the vehicles that get us where we want and need to go. Well, guess what? In this lifetime, your body is your vehicle, your mind is the driver, and your Spirit is the GPS! Again, as I stated before, if one component of the triad is out of balance, it will effect your entire Being and your ability to get where you intend to go. There's no way around it.

Lastly, can you imagine thinking that it was "selfish" to allot the necessary time, money, and energy to fueling and maintaining your car? Of course not! That is absolutely ridiculous. Sit with that thought for a moment, let the analogy sink in, and I don't ever want you to question whether you should allot the necessary time, money, and energy for healthy self-care ever again. And if, for whatever reason, you still need additional prodding, here's a little Biblical wisdom to seal the deal: Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. Self-love, properly understood, is not in conflict with any Spiritual Truth - it is a foundational principle.

Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; It's a necessity. It's time to Nurture U!

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U