When I Thought I Might Be Dying

 

It's been awhile since I last wrote, hasn't it? That is rather typical of a pattern in my life that when I am in what I call a major transition, whether that means dealing with changes around me or those that are occurring within me, I tend to limit my writing. So here I am again, which means that I have arrived at a level of deeper clarity and ready to share.

The topic of this post is rather dramatic, so let me start by saying that I'm fine. To make a very long story short, an abnormality was detected in my body that "could be nothing" or "could be serious." The bottom line is after time has passed and tests were done, it was determined that there's no cause for concern. However, in the last year and a half since the whole thing started, there was more than a couple of moments that I considered that perhaps this was "it" for me. This was especially true in the last couple of months when doctors were questioning a questionable finding and recommended a procedure to find out if this could be cancer. Yep - the C word! Although I intuitively felt I was fine, it caused me to consider death as not just something we all have to deal with, but rather as something that was maybe in my near future. Thus the title of the article.

When faced with the possibility of death coming sooner versus later, I found myself in a place of grief and regret, which I know is a typical response. What I found to be most interesting and profound about my experience was the nature of my regret. It wasn't about not having attained a certain level of success or fame or money or even about what I had done or failed to do. Instead, it was a deep sorrow at having taken so long to simply BE WHO I AM.

So, who am I that I somehow rejected along the way and worked to heal and reclaim?

For one thing, I am a Highly Sensitive Person. That means I take in a whole lot of sensory data all day every day. I process it all deeply. I feel it deeply. I sense the subtleties other people don't notice. Quite frankly, it means that sometimes the world feels as if it is moving too fast, is too loud, and often too bright. This can lead me to feeling more easily stressed, overstimulated, and even overwhelmed. The key word in that sentence is CAN. I can also choose to avoid a great deal of the "problems" associated with this trait and accentuate the gifts simply by practicing healthy self care on a daily basis to give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs to thrive. 

This sounds simple, but it isn't always easy. And you know what the number one thing is that gets in the way? It's not time, it's not responsibilities - it's judgment and lack of self acceptance and compassion. Because 80% of the population is not Highly Sensitive, at times it has made me feel different and unfortunately, when we feel different, we can equate that with being deficient and therefore defective. In that case, we may work extra hard to keep up, fit in, and cast our needs and preferences aside even if that means having migraines and being sick all the time as I once was. At least then we have a socially acceptable excuse for taking downtime.

You may or may not be an HSP as I am, but trust me, everyone at some point masks who they truly are for fear of judgment. Take another of my traits that you may or may not relate to - I'm an Introvert. What that means is that I have a natural preference for low stimulation environments. I would much rather meet a friend for lunch in a quiet place where we could enjoy deep conversation than go to a large gathering and make small talk. I need to psyche myself up to be in the right mood to go to a concert or out to a bar to dance the night away, whereas I savor a quiet evening at home with my husband and kitty watching something funny on TV. It's not all that I do, but the quiet activities are what I need more of in my life. Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with introversion versus extroversion, but I happen to live in a place and a time where extroversion is considered to be more the ideal. The big, bold personalities such as a Tony Robbins are held up as the example we "should" strive for. While I do enjoy being around people, going places, and doing fun things, I just need a bit more silence and solitude to refresh and renew my energy, whereas extraverts renew their energy by the activities I need to recover from. And that's ok - I just need to honor who I am and what I need and not make myself "wrong" for doing so. You need to do that too.

You see how this works? It's all good. There's no right or wrong when it comes to these traits. There are a myriad of other ways to understand ourselves better too like the 16 Myers Briggs Personalities, Astrology, the Enneagram Types, the Ayurveda doshas, Type A/Type B, and the list goes on. As Socrates so adeptly stated: To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. All of these things can be helpful to us. Clearly information is good, but information does not necessarily lead to transformation and that is where the proverbial pearl of great price is found.

And that is what leads me back to the quote at the top by e e cummings:

"It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are!"

Ironically, the older I get and the more experience I have working with my beautiful clients, the more I have come to know that so much of the self help and personal development field has gotten it wrong. Way too many people get stuck on the never ending treadmill of chasing goals, continual self improvement, and constantly needing change instead of having the recognition that much of what they are seeking (if not all) is within them already. That's why I love what Michelangelo said about his sculpture: "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." That's how I have come to view so much of my life and the work that I do with others. I only wish I had seen it sooner. Better late than never, but I know that I can use that lesson to fuel my passion and purpose for helping others to do the same. All things work together for the good.

I hope that this does not come across as too heady or esoteric as it is truly coming from my heart to yours. My intention is to inspire you to embrace this message and to step more fully into WHO YOU REALLY ARE. I hope that you can not only reclaim the parts of you that you may have rejected, but also come to celebrate yourself in your uniqueness. 

As always, remember that "Healthy self care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters, you must give yourself the self acceptance, self love, and self compassion that will allow you to practice the self care that YOU NEED TO THRIVE - especially if it is different than what others may need - and not feel guilty or defective for doing so. 

If you are in need of support to BE YOUR TRUE SELF, please know that help is available.

It's time to Nurture U!

Be Still and Know - What is Interior Life Coaching?

"Interior Life Coaching" is the term I coined to describe the work that I do because all other terms and labels simply seemed inadequate because as I often tell people,  I am a "Different Kind of Coach with a Decidedly Different Approach."

I started out my formal training and received my designation as a Registered Corporate Coach through the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches. That is how I learned to use the art of questioning to help my clients get clear about what it is they wanted as the initial step in the process of goal setting and change. This same skill is employed throughout the coaching process as well to check progress and to assess and re-assess goals and action steps. I like the analogy of the process being like a pilot who continually monitors the flight pattern and conditions in order to arrive at the intended destination through course correction. The coaching process is an effective one. I watched many highly motivated clients soar to success in their personal and professional lives. Coaching is indeed a fabulous support for growth and change. However, I also started seeing over time that there were clients who were not as successful in achieving their goals due to the presence of limiting beliefs that were deeply ingrained in their minds and reflected in their habits and behaviors. There must be another way...

A-ha! In leafing through a local holistic publication, I remembered seeing an ad for training to become a Certified Hypnotherapist! That's it! That's the "hot ticket" to success: Help people to use the conscious mind to reprogram the subconscious mind in the direction they want it to go! Awesome! I had seen first hand the effects of the subconscious mind, sometimes referred to as the habitual or conditioned mind. In fact, I personally knew the stranglehold the subconscious mind had on me at times as one who grew up in the "far less than ideal conditions" of an alcoholic home. Through my training, I learned what I already knew which is that everything we have seen, heard, and experienced is held in the subconscious mind like a virtual storehouse for life. So, since the subconscious mind is a "goal striving mechanism" that takes direction, all we need to do is to drop down into a relaxed state, also known as the alpha level, and plug in the right commands and Voila' - change happens. Hypnosis works! I saw it time and time again! My clients were losing weight, improving their relationships, increasing their income, quitting smoking, learning to manage stress, and so much more! So, why did I think there had to be more? What was missing?

Since I already held a Bachelor's Degree, a Master's Degree, my coach designation, and hypnotherapy certification, further training was out of the question! So, why did the Yoga Teacher Training keep coming into my mind and tugging at my heart? Was it part of my calling? Was I simply a crazy, perpetual student in search of something elusive? The answer to these questions came to me in audible form, clear as a bell: This is about healing YOU. I will be forever grateful that I listened to my Inner Advisor on this one. Yoga allowed me to heal in so many ways. I learned to become more deeply present in my body and my life. I learned to step out of my ego-driven personality. I learned to breathe. I released old wounds. I restored the flow of healing, life-giving energy. I opened my heart. I learned to be more flexible - literally and figuratively. I learned to not just "relax" but rather to be still. Yoga paved the way for me to step more fully and confidently onto my Spiritual Path, which now I know, is the only way to go.

It was not until recently that I have openly claimed the Spiritual Path as the one that I now choose to walk and I can never go back. This is the path of Truth. This is the path of Power. This is the path of Joy and Peace and all that is Go(o)d! As it has been said, we truly are Spiritual Beings having a human experience. Therefore, in order to move from striving to arriving, we need to go deep. We need to go beyond the conscious and the subconscious mind to what is called the "Superconscious Mind." This is where we make conscious contact with God, Spirit, Our Inner Advisor, the Angels - whatever you choose to call your Higher Power. It is only when we regularly engage in Spiritual practices that we will find our way to the best and Highest Good for all concerned, including us! It is from this space that we confidently acknowledge our desires and choose our intentions, are inspired to take action, and affirm ourselves in the process. Without eventually taking Life to this level, we simply cannot achieve enough goals, make enough money, or accumulate enough material symbols of success to appease the longings of this insatiable "hungry ghost" and that's why anything less than allowing for the possibility for clients to move to a deeper level of healing through Spiritual Life Coaching simply left me as the one in need of "more". All the work I do facilitates positive change, but for truly life-changing holistic transformation to take place, Interior Life Coaching is the way to go.

Interior Life Coaching is a deep process of change from the inside-out. It is about tapping into the Power of the Superconscious Mind to inform the conscious mind and direct the subconscious mind. Interior Life Coaching requires a commitment on the part of clients to engage in stillness. Clients must commit to regularly engage in spiritual practices, whether in the form of centering or contemplative prayer or meditation. The so-called label and the format, method, tool, or technique to "get there" are far less important than the commitment to come to stillness. It is in the stillness that we do little, yet garner so much. It is in the stillness that we listen, we receive, we observe, we witness. It is from the stillness of Be-ing that we empower our do-ing. We plant the seeds that will yield the rich harvest. In stillness, we come to understand what it is meant by "being transformed by the renewing of the mind."

Interior Life Coaching is about Transformation, not just change. I am happy to support you in the process if you are willing to "Be Still and Know."

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and highest good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U