When I Thought I Might Be Dying

 

It's been awhile since I last wrote, hasn't it? That is rather typical of a pattern in my life that when I am in what I call a major transition, whether that means dealing with changes around me or those that are occurring within me, I tend to limit my writing. So here I am again, which means that I have arrived at a level of deeper clarity and ready to share.

The topic of this post is rather dramatic, so let me start by saying that I'm fine. To make a very long story short, an abnormality was detected in my body that "could be nothing" or "could be serious." The bottom line is after time has passed and tests were done, it was determined that there's no cause for concern. However, in the last year and a half since the whole thing started, there was more than a couple of moments that I considered that perhaps this was "it" for me. This was especially true in the last couple of months when doctors were questioning a questionable finding and recommended a procedure to find out if this could be cancer. Yep - the C word! Although I intuitively felt I was fine, it caused me to consider death as not just something we all have to deal with, but rather as something that was maybe in my near future. Thus the title of the article.

When faced with the possibility of death coming sooner versus later, I found myself in a place of grief and regret, which I know is a typical response. What I found to be most interesting and profound about my experience was the nature of my regret. It wasn't about not having attained a certain level of success or fame or money or even about what I had done or failed to do. Instead, it was a deep sorrow at having taken so long to simply BE WHO I AM.

So, who am I that I somehow rejected along the way and worked to heal and reclaim?

For one thing, I am a Highly Sensitive Person. That means I take in a whole lot of sensory data all day every day. I process it all deeply. I feel it deeply. I sense the subtleties other people don't notice. Quite frankly, it means that sometimes the world feels as if it is moving too fast, is too loud, and often too bright. This can lead me to feeling more easily stressed, overstimulated, and even overwhelmed. The key word in that sentence is CAN. I can also choose to avoid a great deal of the "problems" associated with this trait and accentuate the gifts simply by practicing healthy self care on a daily basis to give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs to thrive. 

This sounds simple, but it isn't always easy. And you know what the number one thing is that gets in the way? It's not time, it's not responsibilities - it's judgment and lack of self acceptance and compassion. Because 80% of the population is not Highly Sensitive, at times it has made me feel different and unfortunately, when we feel different, we can equate that with being deficient and therefore defective. In that case, we may work extra hard to keep up, fit in, and cast our needs and preferences aside even if that means having migraines and being sick all the time as I once was. At least then we have a socially acceptable excuse for taking downtime.

You may or may not be an HSP as I am, but trust me, everyone at some point masks who they truly are for fear of judgment. Take another of my traits that you may or may not relate to - I'm an Introvert. What that means is that I have a natural preference for low stimulation environments. I would much rather meet a friend for lunch in a quiet place where we could enjoy deep conversation than go to a large gathering and make small talk. I need to psyche myself up to be in the right mood to go to a concert or out to a bar to dance the night away, whereas I savor a quiet evening at home with my husband and kitty watching something funny on TV. It's not all that I do, but the quiet activities are what I need more of in my life. Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with introversion versus extroversion, but I happen to live in a place and a time where extroversion is considered to be more the ideal. The big, bold personalities such as a Tony Robbins are held up as the example we "should" strive for. While I do enjoy being around people, going places, and doing fun things, I just need a bit more silence and solitude to refresh and renew my energy, whereas extraverts renew their energy by the activities I need to recover from. And that's ok - I just need to honor who I am and what I need and not make myself "wrong" for doing so. You need to do that too.

You see how this works? It's all good. There's no right or wrong when it comes to these traits. There are a myriad of other ways to understand ourselves better too like the 16 Myers Briggs Personalities, Astrology, the Enneagram Types, the Ayurveda doshas, Type A/Type B, and the list goes on. As Socrates so adeptly stated: To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. All of these things can be helpful to us. Clearly information is good, but information does not necessarily lead to transformation and that is where the proverbial pearl of great price is found.

And that is what leads me back to the quote at the top by e e cummings:

"It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are!"

Ironically, the older I get and the more experience I have working with my beautiful clients, the more I have come to know that so much of the self help and personal development field has gotten it wrong. Way too many people get stuck on the never ending treadmill of chasing goals, continual self improvement, and constantly needing change instead of having the recognition that much of what they are seeking (if not all) is within them already. That's why I love what Michelangelo said about his sculpture: "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." That's how I have come to view so much of my life and the work that I do with others. I only wish I had seen it sooner. Better late than never, but I know that I can use that lesson to fuel my passion and purpose for helping others to do the same. All things work together for the good.

I hope that this does not come across as too heady or esoteric as it is truly coming from my heart to yours. My intention is to inspire you to embrace this message and to step more fully into WHO YOU REALLY ARE. I hope that you can not only reclaim the parts of you that you may have rejected, but also come to celebrate yourself in your uniqueness. 

As always, remember that "Healthy self care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters, you must give yourself the self acceptance, self love, and self compassion that will allow you to practice the self care that YOU NEED TO THRIVE - especially if it is different than what others may need - and not feel guilty or defective for doing so. 

If you are in need of support to BE YOUR TRUE SELF, please know that help is available.

It's time to Nurture U!

 

MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Here are the 4 Keys You Need to Succeed

I always hesitate to use the words "success" and "succeed" in my content or on my website. Why? I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I read Sarah Santacroce's wonderful book, Marketing Like We're Human. After that, it became crystal clear to me that those words are often loaded with meaning and can trigger feelings of pressure, stress, and cringing at the thought that we are somehow "less than" as we are and need to get ahead in order to earn our worthiness. UGH! The word success has been overused and somehow corrupted because so many of us are conditioned to associate the concept as simply a means to a nebulous end that requires that intense driving and striving energy which is NOT what Nurture U is all about. I think you get my point! So let's redefine success right here, right now.

In a nutshell, success is about quality of life! True success is about finding a sense of balance in order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Yes, that does indeed require effort, but for many of us, we need to step away from "efforting" and learn how to incorporate more of the "go with the flow" attitude to keep us out of living in a chronic state of fight or flight! Perhaps this all sounds a bit like a "note to self." Yep - you guessed it! It is. Read on and see if you can relate...

I am the craziest mix of characteristics. I always have been. As a result, I never felt like I fit in. (But now I know that's ok and I am blessed with the very best of friends who know and appreciate me just as I am!) On one hand, I am super driven to achieve. On the other hand, I am a Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, who needs a lot of quiet, solitude, and downtime. I also suffer from what I have come to call "TFS Disease" which stands for Too Freaking Serious. My mind is very active. I love learning and taking in new information, especially on subjects I'm so passionate about like plant based eating. I think way too much and oh so deeply too. Yet, I have a quick and clever sense of humor that earned me the honor of being voted "Wittiest Girl" in my high school graduating class. I even showcased my humor at a local tavern with two appearances doing stand up comedy on open mic nights. The dichotomies go on and so could I, but I digress. My point is, that I often feel like I'm going through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I always need to attend to the issue of BALANCE! How about you?

Chances are your challenges are different than mine, but yet it's safe to assume that you know that feeling. You want to do more and be more, but pushing yourself nonstop and regularly beyond your limits is simply not sustainable. That's precisely how Nurture U came into being. I finally embraced what has been the company motto and my North Star (officially since 2005, but the foundation was slowly built for many years preceding that): "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In more recent years, I have streamlined an approach to helping myself and my clients to put this into practice by attending to The 4 Keys to Nurture U as listed above. Here's a bit more about each of these keys. Although I was not able to so clearly define them before, I realize now that the 4 keys have always been my focus.

1) Calm Your Life

This is the first key for a very good reason! If you don't make the time and space for quiet and reflection, you may find yourself stuck in default mode where you are perpetually reacting to the people, circumstances, and events in your life and feeling like a victim. Contrast this with feeling empowered to co-create a life more in alignment with your values and purpose, choosing your responses, and enjoying the freedom of balanced living. To get to that point, you need need to know how to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy. This is one of the first things I help my clients to do in order to attend more fully to the other 3.

2) Soothe Your Soul

This second key is just as awesome as it sounds. It's all about tapping into the mind, body, spirit connection. The word "soul" in this context means the deepest part of you, your unseen essence, your energy, and/or your spirit. Soul encompasses all that and more. It's what some call your "True Self." In order to live as a happy, healthy, heart-centered person, you need to cultivate a sense of calm, confidence, and connection. When I work with clients, the best way I know of to access all this inner wisdom and the highest self is through relaxation and guided meditation. It's a beautiful thing! That is how Nurture U sessions were dubbed "a spa for the soul." I also teach my clients some basic breathing and meditation techniques. We explore other ways of balancing the nervous system for optimal functioning as well including walks in nature, spending time near water, and daily practices such as yoga and journaling. It's all good!

3) Care for Your Body

This third key is often viewed as things we need to add to our ever lengthening "to do" list. In fact, some people view this aspect of self care in such a negative light that is becomes a dreaded combination of shoulds, oughts, musts, rules, regulations, and is quite frankly, completely devoid of joy! But, it doesn't have to be that way at all! In fact, the Nurture U way is a gentle way that incorporates 3 basic categories: The Power of Plants, Mindful Movement, and The Wonder of Water! That doesn't sound so bad now, does it? Here's a brief summary of what I work toward with my clients to put this into action. I share with them how to start to move in the direction of just eating more plants! I call it "Whole Food Plant Based Joy" and trust me, I'm a foodie and that's exactly how I see it. No deprivation, just a yummy healthy way of eating that benefits our health, the planet, and the animals. More on that another time. Mindful movement is all about becoming more active in ways that renew and restore your energy rather than depleting it. It's about moving more, but also feeling good about the how, when, where, and how much you move too. Exercise can become more joyful and less of a chore when approached in a different way! Lastly, water is definitely the best way to hydrate your body and hopefully is, or can become, your beverage of choice - not exclusively, but rather as a primary source. (Yes, I drink some coffee and shhhh don't tell anyone, but I even put a little pure maple syrup in it too!) Water is also a great stress buster. There's nothing like a shower or bath to refresh, relax, and renew your energy. Being by a calm body of water does that for me too. I regularly incorporate water into guided meditations for clients who resonate with its healing and restorative powers.

4) Grow Your Joy! 

Yes, please!! Let's ALL attend to THAT one, eh? My youngest granddaughter who is 9,  has the cutest little go-to text reply which is HEHE. She truly is the embodiment of joy and spreads it wherever she goes and with whomever she is with so it is only fitting that I use that as the acronym for turning your life into a Health Enhancing Happiness Experiment! Doesn't that sound fabulous?!?! And just know, you don't have to quit your job, go on an extended retreat, live on a mountaintop, or even change much of anything other than shifting your perspective and priorities to let more joy shine through. For me, JOY stands for Just the little things, Obligations made more pleasant, and Your special experiences. The little joys of the day for me might include a slow morning reading something uplifting while savoring my coffee and enjoying a big bowl of fresh, colorful fruit before breakfast. (I love pretty food!) I also cherish the time I spend snuggling with my kitty on the couch. Other simple pleasures include sunsets over the lake and watching old sitcoms. Sometimes we just need to make a little extra effort to allow the time to enjoy the little things. An example of how obligations can be made more pleasant might include getting a little more creative in the kitchen, trying new recipes, or even making cooking easier by buying convenience items such as prewashed salads and precut veggies. Think about how you might make the things you need to do a little faster, easier, or even more fun. Put on music or listen to a podcast while you dust. Just try something along those lines. It really does make a difference. Lastly, make sure that you make it a priority to enjoy whatever is special to you! That might include travel, photography, painting, crafts, dining out, boating...whatever it is that lights you up. Make it a point to do more of that!

OK, so that's my take on the basic framework to Nurture U. Let me know if you have any questions or what I can do to support you along the way. Call or email me to set up a complimentary consultation to see if working together would be a good fit for you. Connect with me on Facebook and/or Instagram to keep in touch. Subscribe to my newsletter on the homepage of my website and get a copy of the Nurture U Wheel of Wellness and how you can use it to bring more balance into your life. If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, send a request to join my private Facebook group, TLC  for HSPs. There are so many different ways to move in a new direction. But whatever you do, MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Managing the Mundane

A funny thing happened as I began this blog entry...

As I was typing in the title, I inadvertently typed "Managing the Mundance," which I believe was a serendipitous error that lends itself to even greater clarity of my message!

For as long as I can remember, I have experienced some degree of resistance and quite honestly, at times, an all-out struggle with "managing the mundane." By that, I am referring to those day in and day out chores and responsibilities that we not only should do, but in essence, we really must do, like paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning, organizing, and maintaining our living space as well as our many possessions. Failure to do these things has some ugly consequences that we would rather not deal with. Even a delay in completion or a lapse in attentiveness to these tasks can create everything from a minor irritation to a major disruption in our daily living.

This tendency was a long-standing source of stress for me, not only due to the nature of the subtle (and the not so subtle) chaos it can cause, but also because it simply doesn't fit the profile of who I know myself to be. This type of pattern is one we would expect to see in those that we consider to be lazy, sluggish, unkempt, and a myriad of other not at all flattering adjectives with perhaps the occasional expletive thrown in for good measure! Clearly, I am none of these things. Thus my distress and puzzled expression as I gazed into the mirror of self-reflection. What gives?

In the past, I always blamed this pattern on being too busy, too stressed, not having enough help, not enough time, etc. In other words, too much of this, and not enough of that. Well, as we all know, life happens. We will always be dealing with "this and that" in the many and varied ways that they are outwardly manifested in our lives. So it is time to shift from the outer to the inner perspective to literally get to the heart of the matter.

We have all heard it said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. In fact, that expression is so prevalent these days, that I hesitated to use it for fear of being dismissed as being trite. That said, anyone who has walked this earth for any length of time, and has attempted to answer the "big questions" in life, knows that it is true - even with regard to the mundane.

We do not tame the ego and strengthen the spirit in spite of the circumstances of our lives, but rather through them. We have the power to experience the deepest of transformation right here, right now - in this place, with these people, and in these circumstances.
(Don't just read those words, pause and let them sink in!)

Ah-ha! All of those expressions about life happening in the present moment finally made sense to me.

So, in the past (and yes, still at times in the present) in my inflated ego state, my quest for achievement, fame, fortune, success, wisdom, and even deeper spirituality, along with many other socially acceptable and sought after disguises that a desire for that ever-elusive sense of security and perhaps even a feeling of superiority might take, I was indeed too busy and exhausted to attend to the details of living. I was longing for non-stop fabulous adventures with family and a plethora of fascinating friends. Surely, there are more worthy uses for my time and talent than taking out the trash! And let's face it,  maybe I was even hoping or wishing that I was (or soon would be) too advanced and above dealing with the menial - AND wouldn't it be great if I WAS indeed deemed to be too good to expend my efforts on the mundane? Although certainly this is not what I would have actually verbalized or even admitted to on a conscious level, this apparently was a part of the subconscious train of thought that derailed my efforts with regard to a more balanced allocation of my time. Although time management is a multi-factored issue, I knew that I had touched on one of the deeper threads creating a pattern in my life.

Well, how's that for a personal revelation? Humbling? Yes. Humiliating? No, not if I continue to allow it to soften my way of being in the world and to use it for further growth and development. Even better, because I took a risk to share what I learned, now you can consider what truth these words might hold for you too. Words shared from the heart with a loving intention have the power to set into motion a transformative shift in thoughts, speech, and actions, and ultimately, a new direction.

The shift intended here is one of perspective. All aspects of our lives hold the transformative power of Spirit as we let go of resistance and allow our Light to shine and radiate Love into ALL we do - even the most mundane tasks of living. Through this way of "being" as we are "doing," we allow for an abundance of  grace to flow into the ordinary circumstances of our lives, and even the simplest of tasks become an opportunity for a blessing. It is only in this way, that the mundane becomes a "mundance" as we mindfully partner the physical and the spiritual to step more fully into the present moment, and since the present is where we do all of our living, this dance is truly a gift.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U

Healthy Self-Care and Spirituality: A Marriage Made in Heaven

Ultimately, everything I teach and preach, whether as a meditation group facilitator, a writer, a book discussion group leader, a workshop facilitator, a motivational speaker, a Life Coach, or even as a mom, spouse, grandma, family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, or yes, even a stranger, if it comes from my heart of hearts, is intended for the Highest Good of all concerned, including me. The Highest Good, in my mind, is to be committed to Conscious Living as we continue our daily walk along the path of the Spiritual Journey that we simply call our "Life."

So, what is the role of healthy self-care and why is it so important?

Healthy self-care truly provides the essential foundation not just for wellness, but for Conscious Living as well because without the benefit of healthy self-care, the mind and the body can become distractions or even perceived to be obstacles in the process of Transformation. As it has been said, your body is the vehicle that houses the soul and I might add, your mind is the bridge between the two. Anything you wish to manifest in this lifetime, which runs the gamut of all you wish to have, be, and do, will be manifested through the combined Wisdom and the Power of Mind, Body, and Spirit. That is true whether we are referring to attracting more money, enjoying the mutual support of loving relationships, sky-rocketing to career success, or any other aspect of living. If any one component of the triad is out of balance, it will inevitably have an effect on your entire Being. 

Let's face it, it is far more difficult to function, let alone shine, if we don't have the energy to get out of bed. How can we expect to live a life of purpose, when we are so busy and stressed that we never take a break from the hyper-beta state of the racing, thinking mind to relax, renew, and refresh? How do we purport to know what the next action steps we need to take are when we haven't even stopped long enough to even consider the direction in which we are heading at the speed of life? Can you imagine driving your car, but not taking the time or making the effort to maintain it and, at the most basic level of care, to provide the proper fuel and fluids needed for it to run smoothly and efficiently? Of course you know what would happen! We care for our cars as the vehicles that get us where we want and need to go. Well, guess what? In this lifetime, your body is your vehicle, your mind is the driver, and your Spirit is the GPS! Again, as I stated before, if one component of the triad is out of balance, it will effect your entire Being and your ability to get where you intend to go. There's no way around it.

Lastly, can you imagine thinking that it was "selfish" to allot the necessary time, money, and energy to fueling and maintaining your car? Of course not! That is absolutely ridiculous. Sit with that thought for a moment, let the analogy sink in, and I don't ever want you to question whether you should allot the necessary time, money, and energy for healthy self-care ever again. And if, for whatever reason, you still need additional prodding, here's a little Biblical wisdom to seal the deal: Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. Self-love, properly understood, is not in conflict with any Spiritual Truth - it is a foundational principle.

Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; It's a necessity. It's time to Nurture U!

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U