It's been awhile since I last wrote, hasn't it? That is rather typical of a pattern in my life that when I am in what I call a major transition, whether that means dealing with changes around me or those that are occurring within me, I tend to limit my writing. So here I am again, which means that I have arrived at a level of deeper clarity and ready to share.
The topic of this post is rather dramatic, so let me start by saying that I'm fine. To make a very long story short, an abnormality was detected in my body that "could be nothing" or "could be serious." The bottom line is after time has passed and tests were done, it was determined that there's no cause for concern. However, in the last year and a half since the whole thing started, there was more than a couple of moments that I considered that perhaps this was "it" for me. This was especially true in the last couple of months when doctors were questioning a questionable finding and recommended a procedure to find out if this could be cancer. Yep - the C word! Although I intuitively felt I was fine, it caused me to consider death as not just something we all have to deal with, but rather as something that was maybe in my near future. Thus the title of the article.
When faced with the possibility of death coming sooner versus later, I found myself in a place of grief and regret, which I know is a typical response. What I found to be most interesting and profound about my experience was the nature of my regret. It wasn't about not having attained a certain level of success or fame or money or even about what I had done or failed to do. Instead, it was a deep sorrow at having taken so long to simply BE WHO I AM.
So, who am I that I somehow rejected along the way and worked to heal and reclaim?
For one thing, I am a Highly Sensitive Person. That means I take in a whole lot of sensory data all day every day. I process it all deeply. I feel it deeply. I sense the subtleties other people don't notice. Quite frankly, it means that sometimes the world feels as if it is moving too fast, is too loud, and often too bright. This can lead me to feeling more easily stressed, overstimulated, and even overwhelmed. The key word in that sentence is CAN. I can also choose to avoid a great deal of the "problems" associated with this trait and accentuate the gifts simply by practicing healthy self care on a daily basis to give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs to thrive.
This sounds simple, but it isn't always easy. And you know what the number one thing is that gets in the way? It's not time, it's not responsibilities - it's judgment and lack of self acceptance and compassion. Because 80% of the population is not Highly Sensitive, at times it has made me feel different and unfortunately, when we feel different, we can equate that with being deficient and therefore defective. In that case, we may work extra hard to keep up, fit in, and cast our needs and preferences aside even if that means having migraines and being sick all the time as I once was. At least then we have a socially acceptable excuse for taking downtime.
You may or may not be an HSP as I am, but trust me, everyone at some point masks who they truly are for fear of judgment. Take another of my traits that you may or may not relate to - I'm an Introvert. What that means is that I have a natural preference for low stimulation environments. I would much rather meet a friend for lunch in a quiet place where we could enjoy deep conversation than go to a large gathering and make small talk. I need to psyche myself up to be in the right mood to go to a concert or out to a bar to dance the night away, whereas I savor a quiet evening at home with my husband and kitty watching something funny on TV. It's not all that I do, but the quiet activities are what I need more of in my life. Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with introversion versus extroversion, but I happen to live in a place and a time where extroversion is considered to be more the ideal. The big, bold personalities such as a Tony Robbins are held up as the example we "should" strive for. While I do enjoy being around people, going places, and doing fun things, I just need a bit more silence and solitude to refresh and renew my energy, whereas extraverts renew their energy by the activities I need to recover from. And that's ok - I just need to honor who I am and what I need and not make myself "wrong" for doing so. You need to do that too.
You see how this works? It's all good. There's no right or wrong when it comes to these traits. There are a myriad of other ways to understand ourselves better too like the 16 Myers Briggs Personalities, Astrology, the Enneagram Types, the Ayurveda doshas, Type A/Type B, and the list goes on. As Socrates so adeptly stated: To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. All of these things can be helpful to us. Clearly information is good, but information does not necessarily lead to transformation and that is where the proverbial pearl of great price is found.
And that is what leads me back to the quote at the top by e e cummings:
"It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are!"
Ironically, the older I get and the more experience I have working with my beautiful clients, the more I have come to know that so much of the self help and personal development field has gotten it wrong. Way too many people get stuck on the never ending treadmill of chasing goals, continual self improvement, and constantly needing change instead of having the recognition that much of what they are seeking (if not all) is within them already. That's why I love what Michelangelo said about his sculpture: "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." That's how I have come to view so much of my life and the work that I do with others. I only wish I had seen it sooner. Better late than never, but I know that I can use that lesson to fuel my passion and purpose for helping others to do the same. All things work together for the good.
I hope that this does not come across as too heady or esoteric as it is truly coming from my heart to yours. My intention is to inspire you to embrace this message and to step more fully into WHO YOU REALLY ARE. I hope that you can not only reclaim the parts of you that you may have rejected, but also come to celebrate yourself in your uniqueness.
As always, remember that "Healthy self care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"
In order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters, you must give yourself the self acceptance, self love, and self compassion that will allow you to practice the self care that YOU NEED TO THRIVE - especially if it is different than what others may need - and not feel guilty or defective for doing so.
If you are in need of support to BE YOUR TRUE SELF, please know that help is available.
It's time to Nurture U!
