The Irony of Healthy Self-Care

 

I so love this picture of me holding my sweet granddaughter. You can almost feel the intensity of the awe that I was experiencing with her in my arms! This was taken over 10 years ago and I'm still in awe of the blessing of being a grandma.

So, what does this have to do with healthy self-care? Literally everything! 

Here goes...

Nurture U is all about how to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. That is the Power Triad for a successful and meaningful life. All three work together synergistically and if one of the elements is missing, it makes it more difficult to have the other two. That's why the tagline for my coaching practice since I founded the business in 2005 has been "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!" 

Think about this beautiful baby girl in my arms. You can see her gentle smile and her relaxed closed eyes.(Side note: look at the hand mudras. She has always struck me as a wise old soul, but I digress.) Clearly she is well fed, comfortable, and deeply contented. As a result, her emotions are calm, she is able to rest and sleep, and she is NOT NEEDY.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like an amazing state of being to me.

And guess what?

We can help ourselves to enjoy and be soothed by this same level of care too.

And the result of choosing to do so?

We too can be well fed, more comfortable, content, calm, able to rest and sleep, and perhaps the most important thing - not needy - and THAT my friend is where the irony comes in.

Oh, how many times do we think or feel that healthy self-care, rest, joyful activities, time alone in nature, etc. are somehow frivolous or God forbid even selfish! Or we give ourselves these things, sometimes out of desperation to survive day to day, but even then our beautiful acts of self love, self compassion, and self-care end up tainted with guilt or the restless feeling that we "should" be doing something else. Seriously - STOP THAT! We all need to know that it's not only OK to take good care of our body, mind, and spirit, it's actually for the best and highest good of all concerned - including us! Nurture U is not about "me first" - it's about "ME TOO!"

What is the result of this healthy self-care?

The bottom line is that as we make it a priority to give ourselves what we need to thrive, it makes us LESS SELF FOCUSED, LESS SELF CENTERED, AND LESS SELFISH. It allows us to feel our best and therefore do our best. We are able to be more present to our loved ones, our responsibilities, our jobs, etc. We feel more calm and responsive, less stressed and reactive. We have more energy. We enjoy more balance. And the list goes on...

So, the irony of healthy self-care is that it epitomizes the reality that "It's not all about you!"

Think about it. Who would YOU rather be? The tired, crabby, negative, needy person or the well rested, calm, happy, person who is able to go out and live, love, and serve. While obviously we can't control everything that contributes to being the best version of ourselves that we can be, we sure can choose what we think, say, and do. That really is up to you! You've got this!!!

Change the things YOU CAN!

Keep Calm and Be Fabulous!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Honestly, this mug says it all: Keep Calm and Be Fabulous! This is indeed the theme I have chosen for the entire year. 2021 is definitely the time to Nurture U and perhaps we need that now more than ever. Although I sound like a broken record, the main message of Nurture U Life Coaching bears repeating: "Healthy self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity!" You simply can't Be Happy, Be Healthy, and Live a Life that Matters without making self-care a priority. You just can't. This holds true for everyone and is even more pertinent to those of us who have been identified as a Highly Sensitive Person, also known by the acronym HSP. We need to be even more vigilant, especially regarding the need for downtime and alone time.

The reason why I love the theme of Keep Calm and Be Fabulous is that for me, it sums up what I most want out of life at this point AND states it in the right order. We've all heard of "the calm before the storm" right? Well, I'm here to tell you we need to cultivate the calm before we can feel fabulous!

What do I mean by "Be Fabulous?"  Well, I am certainly not referring to the need to look like a super model, say and do all the right things, or even the need to be anything in particular except for BEING YOU! This is something that I have learned through struggle and pain, stress and strain, over many years and with lots of tears. Most of us spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME trying to figure out who and what we should be instead of being who we already are! 

So, WHO ARE YOU?  

Whoever you are, I know you are a beautiful soul who was sent to this world to experience life to the fullest. You have been gifted with strengths and talents that are a unique combination never having been seen or experienced before and never to be repeated. It is up to each and every one of us to own our wonder and our magic and to share it with the world. We each have a beautiful light to shine on all those around us in a way that only we can. We all have some desire planted within our hearts to make the world a better place and we can do so every day just by our presence. The thoughts we think send out a certain vibrational energy as do the words we speak and the actions we choose. Think about it - you are quite literally broadcasting your signal on a moment to moment basis in a way that affects not only you, but all those around you as well. We really are all connected. We really are all one as all the perennial wisdom traditions have always taught. And may I share with you what I think is the most exciting thing of all? We are living in an age when science is now able to corroborate and even explain these phenomena. (And yes, I think that is what I'd aptly deem phenomenal!) We can now understand what the mystics have always known and begin to demonstrate this power in our own lives today. THAT'S what I mean by "Be Fabulous!"

Now that brings us back to the starting point which is to "Be Calm." Let's make 2021 the year that we step out of crazy busy and fretting over that which we can't control. Let's resolve to take the time for peace and quiet to build our resilience and function at our best in what can seem to be a chaotic world. Let's steep ourselves in time honored virtues such as faith, hope, and love. Let's take good care of ourselves and practice a great deal of self-compassion. 

From that calm energy, let's strengthen our connections. Let's extend that compassion out into the world to other people in our immediate circle, to our extended families, our communities, country, and while we are at it, let's stretch the boundaries of compassion to the entire globe. Let's care for the earth itself, the air, the water, the animals, etc. It's all a part of the oneness we are only starting to understand at deeper and deeper levels. We can do this. It doesn't have to be our job, our career, or even our passion. It just has to be a conscious choice of how we journey through life from the simplest things such as smiling at a passerby to the bigger things such as promoting a campaign to slow global warming. We are all called to play a role because we are all in this together. While our circumstances may determine the scale at which we act, we are all called to do something and to do something consistently. 

May all that we do this year come from that center of calm and tap into the connection to something far greater than ourselves. 

My wish for you is, as always, to Be Happy, Be Healthy, and Live a Life that Matters.

Yes, WE CAN! 

Keep Calm and Be Fabulous!

Need a little help to get back on track or to stay there?

Visit Nurture U Life Coaching to get your complimentary Holistic Wellness Self-Assessment Tool today! 

With much love,

Mary Ellen

Downtime to Prevent Down Time

I enjoy adding photos to my blog posts. So, as I sat down to write this post, I literally laughed out loud when I found this picture of my cat Bella. She is truly my Furry Guru when it comes to relaxation! As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), relaxation never came easy to me. In fact, I had to actually LEARN HOW TO RELAX! To someone without this issue, that may seem downright ridiculous, but if you're anything like me, you know it to be true. (Just as an aside, the trait of High Sensitivity is found in at least 100 animal species and Bella is definitely my little HSP.)

In order for an HSP to truly relax in a restorative manner, we absolutely need downtime. As Julie Bjelland, Sensitivity Expert/Psychotherapist has stated, having alone time is a "medical necessity." Why? Because as HSPs, we simply take in way more stimuli than the 80-85% of the population that does not have this trait. Plus, once we take it in, we have an inborn preference to process everything much more deeply. Add to that our propensity to be more emotionally responsive and empathetic and you can see why we have a tendency to get overstimulated, overloaded, and if that continues we can get quite overwhelmed. BUT, this tendency can be mitigated through healthy self-care and increased awareness so that whenever possible, we can prevent this downward spiral from happening.

YES, WE CAN! That's where downtime is so important to our well-being. Again, this is true for everyone, but especially for HSPs. However, as heart-centered people who care deeply about others, take responsibilities seriously, want to do a good job, etc. we can run ourselves ragged if we don't ensure that we make the time for downtime! Trust me, you will never "find" the time, you have to MAKE THE TIME. Ideally, many experts recommend at least 2 hours each day. This might seem impossible in this busy, chaotic life we all seem to be leading, but here's the thing: Downtime may not be what you think it is. Read on my friends and you will find the golden key to unlock the door to more inner peace.

The definition of the downtime we most need as HSPs is "time spent not taking in any new data that needs to be processed." It is SO IMPORTANT that you get this point! I can't stress this fact enough. This is so different than what the majority of us have always thought of as downtime which essentially can cause us to chase peace rather than basking in the glow of it.

Let me explain further. Before I understood this way of looking at downtime, I was unable to feel relaxed, refreshed, and rejuvenated even if I wasn't "working." In fact, sometimes I actually ended up feeling worse after a "day off." How can that be? I inadvertently filled my days with way too much of what I can enjoy in moderation and it kept me too preoccupied with such things as reading nonfiction, scrolling social media, talking on the phone to friends and loved ones, watching YouTube videos, listening to podcasts, and what I consider to be the biggest factor in the mix - THINKING WAY TOO MUCH. Yep, thinking, pondering, wondering, planning, etc. My days off were often exhausting, even if I was alone! 

As a result, I continued to live in a state of chronic stress and busyness even if it appeared I wasn't doing much at all. You see, we can be overstimulated by both internal and external factors and the combination has a cumulative effect on body, mind, and spirit. That's what I am referring to as the need for downtime to prevent down time. If you continue to ignore your needs, they don't go away. The messages get louder and louder and often are accompanied by physical symptoms ranging from headaches and muscle tension to more serious health conditions. UGH! So now what???

Embrace what downtime is and what it isn't and commit to incorporate it into your day every day! Here's the beauty of it too. There are many things that you may enjoy that don't necessarily add to the sensory processing load that you are already carrying. Downtime does not mean you need to escape to some mountain retreat to finally relax. It doesn't mean you need to spend 2 hours in silent meditation until your mind achieves "tabula rasa" AKA a blank slate. No, you just need to spend time doing things that do not add more sensory information for you to have to process.

Here are some of the things that I now do during my downtime:

Lay quietly with my cat on the couch

Listen to soothing instrumental music

Walk alone in nature

Spend time alone near water

Sit in the sun or shade (depending on the weather)

Observe the wonders of nature - birds, squirrels, butterflies, sunrises, sunsets

Tap into my connection with my Higher Power

Do gentle yoga

Close my eyes

Take a bath or a shower

Focus on the feeling of my breath coming in and out of my body

(Sometimes even routine tasks such as cleaning, cooking, or baking can get me out of my head)

Everyone is different. Find what is most soothing to you. Just remember, the most important thing of all is that you DO IT! Make the commitment today to Nurture U!  Everything you do to enhance your well-being positively affects not only you, but all those around you as well. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to be the happiest, healthiest version of yourself that you can be.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do to support you in this beautiful endeavor.

 

 

Permission to Subsist - Taking a Much-Needed Break from the Pursuit of Excellence

Strive for excellence. Always do your best. Be all you can be...
Who could argue with this advice? It is the foundation for success from the time we are so very young until the time of death. It is the backbone of personal and professional success and extends from our closest relationships to society in general and the effects are so far-reaching that the energy of the Universe shifts because of the choices we make throughout our incarnation.

Ok, how's that for pressure when you are not feeling well?

Although I am speaking of excellence in a seemingly cavalier manner, it is simply meant to draw our attention to the fact that we are after all human. It seems to me that while religion, psychology, new age philosophy, and the self-help movement, along with any other push for excellence,  have the best of intentions to inspire and motivate us to be our best, there comes a time that we have to face the fact that we are feeling depleted or already have run out of steam. In fact, there are times that we are just plain "done" or knocked down so far that we can't get right back up. Yep, even the best of us get ill.

As if the symptoms that are the particular manifestation of our body's chosen crisis are not enough, we add in a strong dose of guilt that we have failed in our super-human wellness efforts and succumbed to the lot of the masses of people who do not practice healthy self-care. The guilt is then another layer that needs to be exposed and takes energy to heal and move past before the illness passes. Add to the guilt, the feeling that it is not fair to be feeling this way and it certainly shouldn't have happened to me! What a waste of time and energy! (Trust me, I know...)

So, here's the deal...As a human, how about if you accept that there are times that you just need to shut down, take a break, get some rest, blow off some steam, do nothing, read a good book, go for a walk, and yes, you may even need to realize that in spite of your efforts, you are down for the count. Once that happens, it is time to give up, give in, and hopefully renew and refresh your energy as quickly as possible and move on. If you find that you are feeling less than your best, you need to accept that while it is not the experience you may want, it is the experience you are having. Time to shift into rest and recovery mode. Your excellent life will be there waiting for you when you bounce back into full force action.

Rather than wallowing in guilt and self-pity, use your downtime to affirm that you are investing your time and energy to once again connect with your wholeness. Respect whatever intuition comes to you about what your body, mind, and spirit need. It is important to love and deeply care for yourself at all times, but especially be mindful of the tendency not to when stressed or ill. That is the destructive downward cycle that can lead to debilitating disease when you refuse to allow yourself time to just exist or God forbid, to subsist.

Simply put: Drop the Perfection. Practice Self-Love.
As you allow your Spirit to soar in an atmosphere of support, you will be once again shift back into the Power of Creating from Cause and excellence will no longer be the goal, it will be the Effect.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U

Healthy Self-Care and Spirituality: A Marriage Made in Heaven

Ultimately, everything I teach and preach, whether as a meditation group facilitator, a writer, a book discussion group leader, a workshop facilitator, a motivational speaker, a Life Coach, or even as a mom, spouse, grandma, family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, or yes, even a stranger, if it comes from my heart of hearts, is intended for the Highest Good of all concerned, including me. The Highest Good, in my mind, is to be committed to Conscious Living as we continue our daily walk along the path of the Spiritual Journey that we simply call our "Life."

So, what is the role of healthy self-care and why is it so important?

Healthy self-care truly provides the essential foundation not just for wellness, but for Conscious Living as well because without the benefit of healthy self-care, the mind and the body can become distractions or even perceived to be obstacles in the process of Transformation. As it has been said, your body is the vehicle that houses the soul and I might add, your mind is the bridge between the two. Anything you wish to manifest in this lifetime, which runs the gamut of all you wish to have, be, and do, will be manifested through the combined Wisdom and the Power of Mind, Body, and Spirit. That is true whether we are referring to attracting more money, enjoying the mutual support of loving relationships, sky-rocketing to career success, or any other aspect of living. If any one component of the triad is out of balance, it will inevitably have an effect on your entire Being. 

Let's face it, it is far more difficult to function, let alone shine, if we don't have the energy to get out of bed. How can we expect to live a life of purpose, when we are so busy and stressed that we never take a break from the hyper-beta state of the racing, thinking mind to relax, renew, and refresh? How do we purport to know what the next action steps we need to take are when we haven't even stopped long enough to even consider the direction in which we are heading at the speed of life? Can you imagine driving your car, but not taking the time or making the effort to maintain it and, at the most basic level of care, to provide the proper fuel and fluids needed for it to run smoothly and efficiently? Of course you know what would happen! We care for our cars as the vehicles that get us where we want and need to go. Well, guess what? In this lifetime, your body is your vehicle, your mind is the driver, and your Spirit is the GPS! Again, as I stated before, if one component of the triad is out of balance, it will effect your entire Being and your ability to get where you intend to go. There's no way around it.

Lastly, can you imagine thinking that it was "selfish" to allot the necessary time, money, and energy to fueling and maintaining your car? Of course not! That is absolutely ridiculous. Sit with that thought for a moment, let the analogy sink in, and I don't ever want you to question whether you should allot the necessary time, money, and energy for healthy self-care ever again. And if, for whatever reason, you still need additional prodding, here's a little Biblical wisdom to seal the deal: Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. Self-love, properly understood, is not in conflict with any Spiritual Truth - it is a foundational principle.

Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; It's a necessity. It's time to Nurture U!

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U