Are We Doomed?

Are we doomed?

Definitely not my usual opening line, but hey - sometimes we have to step back, look at our current situation and well...just tell it the way it is! So, what in the world prompted THIS after not blogging or sending out an email in a very long time?? Passion. That's right - PASSION! I have a passion for healthy self care and I am still on a mission to spread the good word that has been the main message of Nurture U since its founding in 2005: "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity." It's time we take that to heart.

What specifically spawned this mini tirade? It was rereading Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. In it she reminds us that we need to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a measure of self-worth. She goes on to say that what we need more of is to cultivate play and rest, which she states are essential yet countercultural at best. That is IT as far as I'm concerned. That is exactly what I have been teaching and preaching and empowering my clients to do. That also explains why "the struggle is real." 

How long are we going to allow ourselves to continue to be plagued by the ever growing toxic messages of more, better, and faster? How far can we push ourselves before we really start to feel the effects? How many times are we going to compare ourselves to some filtered social media version of reality and feel like once again we are coming up short? You get the picture. It's time to STOP!

Give yourself the time and space to figure out what is really most important to you. How do you really want to spend your time, money, and energy? Who is important in your life and are you cultivating that connection? What are you doing or want to do that is meaningful and contributes to the greater good?

Don't just keep plodding along. 

Stop living by default. Start living by design.

Be happy. Be healthy. Live a Life That Matters. 

Let me know if there's anything I can do to support you along the way.

If you haven't done so already, visit Nurture U Life Coaching online to learn more about what I do to help you to strengthen mind, body, and spirit to change the things you can. Now more than ever, we have to take the steps necessary to avoid getting sucked into the hustle. I'm all for high achievement and success, BUT it needs to be in alignment with your True Self, your deepest values, and allow for balance. 

Life is short. Be sure to live it. 

The Struggle is Real!

True confessions...
I have been in a bit of a funk lately. Yesterday seemed especially difficult to navigate, yet I wasn't quite sure why. I just knew that I was feeling more tired than usual and definitely less motivated, yet not because of a lack of sleep or not practicing healthy self-care. This was different. This was more of a soul tired. Perhaps you can relate?

I think that this funk has been coming and going and in a sense even building over the last four months. It has been mostly subtle and at times even stealthy, and that's a big part of why it often goes unnoticed. Well, that and the fact that I truly have so many blessings to be eternally grateful for: my family, my friends, my business, my home, my health, my resources, and the list goes on. So, when I would feel myself sliding down the slippery slope of distress, I would immediately switch to gratitude for all the wonderful people and circumstances of my life. Sounds like a great strategy to refocus attention, doesn't it?

But hold on a minute. Was I practicing authentic heartfelt gratitude OR was I trying to ignore the not-so-great things that were happening?  Hmmmmmm...I'll let you decide.

Some things I acknowledged. For example, last week, I sent out not one, but four sympathy cards! Add to that the fact that my sweet sister-in-law is nearing the end of her struggle with brain cancer. It's only a matter of waiting now. There's nothing more to do. That's enough to explain the funk, but even that wasn't all of it. I woke up this morning in that funk again, but this time it was more at the surface just waiting for release. So, release it I did.

I got up before my husband and he joined me for our morning coffee. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. He asked what was going on and I knew I had to let it out. It started out as talking about my frustration with things not getting done around the house. From there it progressed to feeling frustrated with other issues until I hit on the "big ones" - the pandemic, the political climate, the racial tensions, the violence - all the really major things that are happening around us that we truly have no control over. And that's when the tears started to flow. It wasn't just frustration over it all, it was truly a deep grief - grief as a feeling of loss for the way life was just four months ago. I am not saying things were perfect or that changes are not needed, I'm just saying that for better and for worse, things will seemingly never be the same. I don't know what the future holds. No one does. No one EVER knows, but somehow when things are going smoothly, there's that part of us that believes we are somehow the exception and that we are somehow in control. But, we're not.

So, now what?
Well, after getting down to feeling, expressing, and through tears - releasing the core emotion of grief, I am ready to move on from here. The problems are still there, but instead of feeling the intense weight of them bearing down on my mind, body, and spirit, I have created a new,  healthier relationship with those problems. I am reminded and possess a more embodied knowing that life is in fact a largely unpredictable mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly, but now that's ok again. And I know I'm ok. And I know that all that muck can co-exist with gratitude rather than be opposed to it. And today is another day and another chance to make a difference in the world. It may just be in my small corner of reality, but that's ok too. That's life.

I CAN CONTROL my words and my actions. I can make choices that add to the Peace, Love, and Joy in this world. Yes, I can do this, but NOT if my energy is all tied up at any level of denial or getting stuck in any version of the oh so familiar refrain of "This shouldn't be happening" because the truth of the matter is that it is.

I will close by sharing an analogy that came to me years ago about having a meltdown. Candle wax has to be in it's liquefied form in order to be shaped and molded into a beautiful candle that has the capability of bringing a soft light into the darkness. So, next time you have a meltdown, as I did just this morning, don't think of it as a negative thing. Re-frame it as an opportunity to mold yourself anew so that you too can bring yourself, your talents, energy, and resources more fully into this world and to shine even more brightly than you did before.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. it really is better to light a single candle than to sit and curse the darkness. Amen to that!

Love or Fear?

It has been a long time since I sat down to write a post. Actually, I was rather shocked to see it has been 6 years! Time flies, huh? It's good to be back.

We are certainly living in the strangest time I have ever been through in all my years on this planet. The world is experiencing an unprecedented "Global Pause" as it has been called. And hey, that sure sounds better than Lockdown. So much is happening around us it's hard to even process. Some of what is happening is horrific, like all the lives lost due to the pandemic as well as all the collateral damage due to businesses being shut down, people laid off, economic challenges, and the shortages of food and supplies. I think when this is over we will all appreciate the availability of toilet paper in a whole new light!

At the same time, there are some silver linings in all of this. For example, there has been a significant change in the level of pollution. There are people who are slowing down enough to reconnect with the family they live with and through technology with those near and far. I've seen people out walking more. I've heard of family game nights and dance parties. People are engaging with life from a simpler, less materialistic perspective.

In other words, life is handing us a mixed bag as it always does, but in this time of a pandemic, the bag contains elements that are far less common since they are generally found only at the extremes.

That said, FEAR is everywhere. In fact, when I do leave the house for necessities or for my walks in nature, it is palpable. As I get in my car and start backing out of the driveway, it's as if my mind goes into a hyper-vigilant state just waiting for whatever may lurk around every corner. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

And then, I remember to breathe. Breathe. Pause. Recenter. Calm down. Relax. All that stress and worry won't accomplish a thing. In fact, it will simply serve to put my body into fight or flight survival mode. My energy will contract. My mood will darken. But the worst thing that can happen, and in fact will if I continue to be sucked into the mire of fear, is that I will hamper my immune system just when perhaps I need it the most. That's right, as Dr. Bruce Lipton has explained in his amazing book The Biology of Belief, we can be in one of two states, either growth and repair OR in survival mode. We can't be in both at the same time.

Now lest you think over the past 6 years I have taken on a Debbie Downer persona, I have not. I'm just sharing what I think we all go through whether we admit it or not. When we feel threatened, whether by the current challenges related to the coronavirus, or whether we react to some other trigger, it doesn't matter. Fear is fear and it creates the same body chemistry even if the so called threat is simply in our imagination. Fear needs to be acknowledged rather than denied. Sometimes fear contains a message of something we really do need to pay attention to that is actually actionable.
For example, if you have been ignoring healthy self-care, eating lots of sugar and fat, not getting enough sleep, etc. and you fear you may be placing yourself more at risk well...perhaps you are. But don't just stay locked in fear. Change the things you can.

If however, your fear is about something in the past that can't be changed or in the future that can't be controlled, once acknowledged, the fear must be let go. I know. I can literally hear you saying, "Easier said than done" and just to be clear I agree. That's why we need a new way to look at fear.
Anyone who has read my writings knows that I love a good acronym. The acronym I have heard in the past for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. Definitely a good one, but somehow I needed something else. And that's when it came to me in a moment of silent prayer.
FEAR: Face Everything And Rise!
(Not coincidentally I'm sure, this came to me during the season of Lent, just prior to Easter.)

Face Everything And Rise! <- Brilliant if I say so myself.
Why? Because it is such a beautiful statement about our capabilities.
Life is good, but is is NOT always easy. In fact, due to illness, pain, loss, aging, and death, there is a lot to contend with BUT with trust in the power of Love, we are up to the task. The greatest suffering comes when we succumb to the thought that "this shouldn't be happening" or the other devastating thought, "I can't handle it." Now, THAT is when fear triggers suffering and gets the upper hand.

There is no greater power in all the universe than LOVE. In fact, that which appears to be other than Love is merely a denial of love. Love Always Wins - another acronym - because that's the LAW. We might not readily see it, but it is true. I was listening to a talk this morning by my friend James Twyman and he said quite simply, "Truth is truth. Love is love." <- Love that. It's a fact. Thanks James for being one who embodies that message. You are an inspiration to us all.

The other apparent lack of Love manifests when we have a lack of trust in Love. This can often occur because we fail to see ourselves as channels of Love rather than as the Source of Love. If you try to be the source of Love, you will find yourself exhausted. But the Good News is that Love is unlimited and always available for us to tap into if we have the willingness to call on grace and allow ourselves to be instruments of that beautiful divine energy. Yes, we need to say Yes and that takes some quiet and a pause.

Oh, guess what? Now might just be the perfect time for transformation. So much of what we have been too busy or distracted with may have kept us in the not so comfortable comfort zone and now we have been thrust into what seems most days to be a weird alternate reality that for now we need to call home. So, what now?

Face Everything And Rise! Rise to the occasion. Rise to a higher level of consciousness with which to deal with people, circumstances and events. Rise to the choice of Love over fear in everything you do. This is what will ultimately serve to either strengthen or weaken you. It is NOT what you do, it is the energy with which you do it!

A timely example is people wearing masks in public. Some people wearing masks look absolutely terrified and it is clear they are wearing them strictly out of fear. Other people look your way, and even if you can't see their mouths, you can tell they are smiling. You can see it in their eyes. They are wearing a mask out of Love - Love for others as well as themselves. It's the same with social distancing. It is what we have been asked to do. You can see the people who do so in fear, but yet we can leave the same 6 feet between us out of Love. It truly changes everything.

Choose this day which energy you will serve for it will be your Master.
Will it be Love or will it be fear? You get to choose.
You can choose to live in fear or Face Everything And Rise!
Choose Love and rise you will!
But don't take my word for it. You have to put this into action. It's not a one time choice either. We have to keep choosing Love moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. By repeatedly choosing Love, we can make it a more natural, conscious choice that becomes more habitual. No, we will never get it "right" all the time and we may even screw things up. But that's ok. We just need to choose again. I think that's why my favorite line of the Bible is "Behold I make all things new.' What a beautiful, merciful world we live in if we can call on Love to hold and guide us.

So, with that I will leave you with yet another acronym - this time for LOVE:
 LOVE is a Life Of Vibrant Energy.
Ah yes...take me to that river.

Be well. Be blessed.
With Love,
Mary Ellen

Unmasking the Hero - The Surprising Face of a Victim

If I were to go out and ask people from all walks of life to describe the archetype of "victim" to me, I can almost guarantee that I would get a similar response. What do you think of when you hear the word "victim?" Chances are that you think of people who have experienced events and circumstances that rendered them feeling powerless, even if only temporarily. Furthermore, you may acknowledge that at some point or another in life, we have all had the feeling of being victims of something - only the specific content and the intensity of our experiences vary as well as how long we choose to remain in that role. Are you with me so far?

If you have been in Earth School long enough, you begin to see that people can be victimized by the trivial, such as the weather, or the tragic, such as the death of a loved one or other dramatic loss. In fact, some people appear to be victimized by just about everything they encounter from their daily commute and the demands of their job when they get there, to the family and home they return to, and just about everything that does not go smoothly in between. Clearly, they are in reactive mode and no longer choosing their response. Perhaps we have seen this. Perhaps we have lived it. Perhaps we just stand in judgement of those who do.

As loving and as compassionate as we strive to be, judgement rears its ugly head, especially with regard to victims. We may respond with the most disdain to those who appear to be the most depressed and have lost the drive to fight their way back from whatever life has thrown at them. There's a voice in our head that tells us that we must never let that happen to us. And so it begins...

We see the world through the eyes of fear which closes our hearts, contracts our energy, stresses the body, restricts the mind. We need to work very hard to make sure "that" - whatever it may be - never happens to us. We need to be alert. We need to be on guard. We need to be smart. We need to be _____________________(fill in the blank). We need to change, to accumulate, to fix, to manage, to ____________________ (fill in the blank). We need to save ourselves and others from the pain of life. In short, we need to be a Hero.

On the outside, we may have all the bells and whistles that are the sounds of success. We may have the body, the looks, and a flair for fashion that others see and may even envy. We may have an intellect that allows us to not only compete in the marketplace, but to win fame and fortune as well. We may have the means to buy whatever the latest thing is that will allow us to feel safe and ok - at least for the moment. But as life happens, everything changes from people to styles to circumstances. Try as we may, we just can't keep up. Being a hero is exhausting. We think we are running out of fuel. If we are lucky, it is at this point we stop and look at our lives and realize that we are victims too - reacting to life rather than choosing our response. Yep, people can fall into the victim's role of playing the hero just as easily as they can be the damsel in distress. The only difference is in how society views and reinforces the role and that's where the greatest trouble lies.

Society today encourages and rewards the victim as hero lifestyle: Work, work, work, and then work some more - not just at your job or in your career, but in all things. You must get better, faster, smarter, and accumulate more, more, more...Like I said, if this pace continues unabated, exhaustion is sure to set in.

What is the antidote to this toxic lifestyle? Must we run away to an ashram and isolate ourselves from the people, circumstances, and events that are ever so demanding? Of course not. As with all things, the change will come from the inside-out beginning with the awareness of what is happening. By going within, consulting our own intuition, and opening the possibility to living life another way, we create the shift that is needed to do just that.

The shift does not require a change in lifestyle as much as it does a change in consciousness. That's not to say that a change in outer circumstances will not occur. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. What changes is our perspective. What is needed is a return to our Power. What happens is that we flip the switch that allows us to stop reacting and to start choosing our response! Rather than being swept away by the dance of the whirling dervish, we willingly step out onto the floor and consciously choose our next move. We once again know what it is like to choose our intentions, thus living from Cause rather than reeling from effects.

Yes, you are the Hero of your own Life. Let it be a role that you choose and a part that you play with plenty of room for improvisation. Some days you will be in a comedy. Some days a tragedy. Embrace what is there before you in every moment knowing that how you play your role in the present, determines the next act in the play and ultimately where you will end up as the curtain closes. Be an authentic Hero by remembering that in the Game of Life, choice trumps regret every time!

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U