Are We Doomed?

Are we doomed?

Definitely not my usual opening line, but hey - sometimes we have to step back, look at our current situation and well...just tell it the way it is! So, what in the world prompted THIS after not blogging or sending out an email in a very long time?? Passion. That's right - PASSION! I have a passion for healthy self care and I am still on a mission to spread the good word that has been the main message of Nurture U since its founding in 2005: "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity." It's time we take that to heart.

What specifically spawned this mini tirade? It was rereading Brene' Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. In it she reminds us that we need to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a measure of self-worth. She goes on to say that what we need more of is to cultivate play and rest, which she states are essential yet countercultural at best. That is IT as far as I'm concerned. That is exactly what I have been teaching and preaching and empowering my clients to do. That also explains why "the struggle is real." 

How long are we going to allow ourselves to continue to be plagued by the ever growing toxic messages of more, better, and faster? How far can we push ourselves before we really start to feel the effects? How many times are we going to compare ourselves to some filtered social media version of reality and feel like once again we are coming up short? You get the picture. It's time to STOP!

Give yourself the time and space to figure out what is really most important to you. How do you really want to spend your time, money, and energy? Who is important in your life and are you cultivating that connection? What are you doing or want to do that is meaningful and contributes to the greater good?

Don't just keep plodding along. 

Stop living by default. Start living by design.

Be happy. Be healthy. Live a Life That Matters. 

Let me know if there's anything I can do to support you along the way.

If you haven't done so already, visit Nurture U Life Coaching online to learn more about what I do to help you to strengthen mind, body, and spirit to change the things you can. Now more than ever, we have to take the steps necessary to avoid getting sucked into the hustle. I'm all for high achievement and success, BUT it needs to be in alignment with your True Self, your deepest values, and allow for balance. 

Life is short. Be sure to live it. 

The Most Important Freedom

FREEDOM!

Now there's a "Hot Topic" these days, huh? It seems like everyone is questioning freedom. Rights that we once thought were sacrosanct are now being threatened and/or lost. That said, what I find to be a most curious sociological phenomena is that regarding a myriad of issues, what one group of people is deeming as a loss of freedom, another group of people is claiming as a victory. Let's just say that things are very complicated these days and I'm not going to go there.

What I am most wanting us to preserve at a time of civil and political unrest is our Personal Freedom. Even though there are times that we are reactive and are triggered based on our past programming and experiences, WE REALLY DO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHAT WE SAY AND WHAT WE DO. Where that gets tricky is that what we say and what we do comes from what we are thinking and feeling. Thoughts trigger feelings, and feelings in turn affect what we say and do. This can create a downward spiral of doom that leaves us feeling like a victim trapped by negative circumstances, people, and events or it can be a wonderful source of healing and affirmation that leads us in the direction of greater happiness, health, and success. So, in order to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, we really do need to get a better handle on our thoughts as the powerful influence in our lives that they are. 

Even though we can't always choose our thoughts and feelings, we can however become more aware of them as the messengers they are intended to be. For example, thoughts and feelings alert us to potential threats, whether real or imagined, and it is our job to figure out which is which as we grow in conscious awareness of what we are thinking and feeling and the energy behind it all. Our thoughts and feelings also serve to inform us of the wounds of the past that we have carried into the present. This truly is an on-going journey for all of us. As it has been said, there really is no end to personal and spiritual growth and development. The beauty of growing in conscious awareness is that we can then choose which of our thoughts to give our attention to - those coming from the energy of Love that are for our best and highest good or those coming from the energy of fear, limitation, and doubt that are in need of processing and healing. This is where the Law of Attraction and the Law of Vibration come into play. Although we certainly don't control everything in our lives, where we choose to place our attention and the energy we are broadcasting are definitely and strongly influencing the direction of every area of our lives. So, when I say we can "choose our thoughts" that is what I am referring to, not the idea that we can control them all. (By the way, as someone trained in the fields of sociology, psychology, and education, I absolutely love that scientific research is now able to explain and validate many of these ancient principles that some people still write off as "woo woo" and New Age nonsense!) 

On a personal note, you may have noticed that it has been quite a while since my last article. There's a reason for that. As I continued to focus on growing and expanding my business to be of highest service to more people, I found myself turning to "the experts" in the field and spending far too much of my time, energy, and money investing in their knowledge, courses, coaching, books, groups, and ways of doing things instead of trusting myself, my mission, and my intuition. So after going down way too many rabbit holes, I am coming back to the ultimate freedom - The Freedom to BE ME! How ironic that this is a big part of what I help my clients to do on a daily basis. We really do teach what we most need to learn - and I am ok admitting that. We are all a work in progress. 

That's why it is important when seeking help to change your habits and ultimately your life that you work with someone who truly values YOU and YOUR PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT. That way, you have the benefit of working with someone who will facilitate programs and sessions that allow you to feel in charge of your life rather than being dependent on them. Like me, you may still get tripped up in viewing even good advice as "shoulds, musts, and oughts," but if you are working to heal that pattern and find the right person or people to support your process, it will always lead you back to your own inner wisdom.

May you be blessed with the inner freedom to follow your own unique path to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Please let me know what I can do to continue to support you along the way. 

 

 

MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Here are the 4 Keys You Need to Succeed

I always hesitate to use the words "success" and "succeed" in my content or on my website. Why? I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I read Sarah Santacroce's wonderful book, Marketing Like We're Human. After that, it became crystal clear to me that those words are often loaded with meaning and can trigger feelings of pressure, stress, and cringing at the thought that we are somehow "less than" as we are and need to get ahead in order to earn our worthiness. UGH! The word success has been overused and somehow corrupted because so many of us are conditioned to associate the concept as simply a means to a nebulous end that requires that intense driving and striving energy which is NOT what Nurture U is all about. I think you get my point! So let's redefine success right here, right now.

In a nutshell, success is about quality of life! True success is about finding a sense of balance in order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Yes, that does indeed require effort, but for many of us, we need to step away from "efforting" and learn how to incorporate more of the "go with the flow" attitude to keep us out of living in a chronic state of fight or flight! Perhaps this all sounds a bit like a "note to self." Yep - you guessed it! It is. Read on and see if you can relate...

I am the craziest mix of characteristics. I always have been. As a result, I never felt like I fit in. (But now I know that's ok and I am blessed with the very best of friends who know and appreciate me just as I am!) On one hand, I am super driven to achieve. On the other hand, I am a Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, who needs a lot of quiet, solitude, and downtime. I also suffer from what I have come to call "TFS Disease" which stands for Too Freaking Serious. My mind is very active. I love learning and taking in new information, especially on subjects I'm so passionate about like plant based eating. I think way too much and oh so deeply too. Yet, I have a quick and clever sense of humor that earned me the honor of being voted "Wittiest Girl" in my high school graduating class. I even showcased my humor at a local tavern with two appearances doing stand up comedy on open mic nights. The dichotomies go on and so could I, but I digress. My point is, that I often feel like I'm going through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I always need to attend to the issue of BALANCE! How about you?

Chances are your challenges are different than mine, but yet it's safe to assume that you know that feeling. You want to do more and be more, but pushing yourself nonstop and regularly beyond your limits is simply not sustainable. That's precisely how Nurture U came into being. I finally embraced what has been the company motto and my North Star (officially since 2005, but the foundation was slowly built for many years preceding that): "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In more recent years, I have streamlined an approach to helping myself and my clients to put this into practice by attending to The 4 Keys to Nurture U as listed above. Here's a bit more about each of these keys. Although I was not able to so clearly define them before, I realize now that the 4 keys have always been my focus.

1) Calm Your Life

This is the first key for a very good reason! If you don't make the time and space for quiet and reflection, you may find yourself stuck in default mode where you are perpetually reacting to the people, circumstances, and events in your life and feeling like a victim. Contrast this with feeling empowered to co-create a life more in alignment with your values and purpose, choosing your responses, and enjoying the freedom of balanced living. To get to that point, you need need to know how to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy. This is one of the first things I help my clients to do in order to attend more fully to the other 3.

2) Soothe Your Soul

This second key is just as awesome as it sounds. It's all about tapping into the mind, body, spirit connection. The word "soul" in this context means the deepest part of you, your unseen essence, your energy, and/or your spirit. Soul encompasses all that and more. It's what some call your "True Self." In order to live as a happy, healthy, heart-centered person, you need to cultivate a sense of calm, confidence, and connection. When I work with clients, the best way I know of to access all this inner wisdom and the highest self is through relaxation and guided meditation. It's a beautiful thing! That is how Nurture U sessions were dubbed "a spa for the soul." I also teach my clients some basic breathing and meditation techniques. We explore other ways of balancing the nervous system for optimal functioning as well including walks in nature, spending time near water, and daily practices such as yoga and journaling. It's all good!

3) Care for Your Body

This third key is often viewed as things we need to add to our ever lengthening "to do" list. In fact, some people view this aspect of self care in such a negative light that is becomes a dreaded combination of shoulds, oughts, musts, rules, regulations, and is quite frankly, completely devoid of joy! But, it doesn't have to be that way at all! In fact, the Nurture U way is a gentle way that incorporates 3 basic categories: The Power of Plants, Mindful Movement, and The Wonder of Water! That doesn't sound so bad now, does it? Here's a brief summary of what I work toward with my clients to put this into action. I share with them how to start to move in the direction of just eating more plants! I call it "Whole Food Plant Based Joy" and trust me, I'm a foodie and that's exactly how I see it. No deprivation, just a yummy healthy way of eating that benefits our health, the planet, and the animals. More on that another time. Mindful movement is all about becoming more active in ways that renew and restore your energy rather than depleting it. It's about moving more, but also feeling good about the how, when, where, and how much you move too. Exercise can become more joyful and less of a chore when approached in a different way! Lastly, water is definitely the best way to hydrate your body and hopefully is, or can become, your beverage of choice - not exclusively, but rather as a primary source. (Yes, I drink some coffee and shhhh don't tell anyone, but I even put a little pure maple syrup in it too!) Water is also a great stress buster. There's nothing like a shower or bath to refresh, relax, and renew your energy. Being by a calm body of water does that for me too. I regularly incorporate water into guided meditations for clients who resonate with its healing and restorative powers.

4) Grow Your Joy! 

Yes, please!! Let's ALL attend to THAT one, eh? My youngest granddaughter who is 9,  has the cutest little go-to text reply which is HEHE. She truly is the embodiment of joy and spreads it wherever she goes and with whomever she is with so it is only fitting that I use that as the acronym for turning your life into a Health Enhancing Happiness Experiment! Doesn't that sound fabulous?!?! And just know, you don't have to quit your job, go on an extended retreat, live on a mountaintop, or even change much of anything other than shifting your perspective and priorities to let more joy shine through. For me, JOY stands for Just the little things, Obligations made more pleasant, and Your special experiences. The little joys of the day for me might include a slow morning reading something uplifting while savoring my coffee and enjoying a big bowl of fresh, colorful fruit before breakfast. (I love pretty food!) I also cherish the time I spend snuggling with my kitty on the couch. Other simple pleasures include sunsets over the lake and watching old sitcoms. Sometimes we just need to make a little extra effort to allow the time to enjoy the little things. An example of how obligations can be made more pleasant might include getting a little more creative in the kitchen, trying new recipes, or even making cooking easier by buying convenience items such as prewashed salads and precut veggies. Think about how you might make the things you need to do a little faster, easier, or even more fun. Put on music or listen to a podcast while you dust. Just try something along those lines. It really does make a difference. Lastly, make sure that you make it a priority to enjoy whatever is special to you! That might include travel, photography, painting, crafts, dining out, boating...whatever it is that lights you up. Make it a point to do more of that!

OK, so that's my take on the basic framework to Nurture U. Let me know if you have any questions or what I can do to support you along the way. Call or email me to set up a complimentary consultation to see if working together would be a good fit for you. Connect with me on Facebook and/or Instagram to keep in touch. Subscribe to my newsletter on the homepage of my website and get a copy of the Nurture U Wheel of Wellness and how you can use it to bring more balance into your life. If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, send a request to join my private Facebook group, TLC  for HSPs. There are so many different ways to move in a new direction. But whatever you do, MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Sensitive, Strong, and Successful - A Powerful Triad

 As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I have come to embrace this trait as my greatest gift and it is my hope that after reading this, you will learn to do the same whether for your own sake, or for the highest good of someone in your life.

You see, the HSP trait has been grossly misunderstood. In fact, the inclusion of the word "sensitive" is what leads to the misperception of what is actually a super power once you know how to harness its energy! So, the first thing we need to realize is what it means to be sensitive. While I do not discount the fact that as HSPs, we do feel things deeply, that is only one aspect of being sensitive. We are certainly not a group of individuals roaming through life with tears in our eyes or shying away from challenges. No, we can be found among the movers and the shakers who are committed to taking our lives to the next level and supporting others in doing the same. (Some of us even go so far as to feel like a badass when our confidence is up and we are out there making things happen.)

So, let's explore the definition of sensitive, courtesy of Oxford Languages online. One of the definitions that works for me is "quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences." That reminds me of an instrument that is more adept at picking up what it is designed to as opposed to another instrument that is less sensitive and therefore less able to do what it is supposed to do. Another definition that fits is "having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others' feelings." Yep. Those definitions are spot on when it comes to the HSP trait.

So, what's the problem? People latch on to all of the negative associations with the word sensitive. For example, some definitions include descriptors such as easily upset and distressed, unstable, and needing protection. You see? Same word - totally different connotations. 

That's why Willow McIntosh, a global sensitivity expert, came up with a whole new term for the trait: SENSORY INTELLIGENCE. That certainly captures not only the beautiful essence of the trait, but also conveys the power - and that's what it takes to be sensitive, strong, and successful. Recognize the trait for what it is and proceed accordingly!

Are there challenges that come with this trait? Yes, there are but they are absolutely surmountable BUT only if someone acknowledges and accepts being among the 15-20% of the population that has this gift. If you resonate with being an HSP but are put off, or worse yet, scared off (as I once was) by this trait, then you won't take the steps necessary to accommodate your needs and accentuate your abilities. This causes a whole host of negative effects including a great deal of unnecessary stress and wasted potential. It's truly a travesty to allow this to occur!

So, what now? I highly recommend that you learn all you can about this trait to become empowered. Even if you feel like you are barely surviving, trust me, you can get to the point of thriving. Why do I feel so strongly about this? Because I've "been there, done that" and now I have the knowledge, professional training, and the personal experience to help you to do the same. 

You CAN be sensitive, strong, and successful. Yes, you can and I can help. Why wait?? Get in touch with me and we can discuss how Nurture U Life Coaching can help you take your wellness and your life to the next level! 

I can't wait for the chance to connect!

Mary Ellen

What is YOUR Declaration of Independence?

Let's face it, in spite of the myriad of differences, the truth is that we all share the same goal.
We all want freedom.
Freedom from and freedom to.

Let me explain...

When I was going through my coach training, one of the things I learned is how to skillfully ask clients a series of questions in order to help them to gain greater clarity with regard to the goals that they intend to achieve. However, even more important than helping clients to identify goals is the need to elicit the deeper want behind the goal. The deeper want is what provides us with the motivation to keep moving toward the goal in spite of the inevitable bumps we will encounter. That's just the way it is.
(Trust me, if the road to success was that easy, we would run into a lot more traffic on the way!)

So, after working with hundreds and hundreds of clients, I can honestly say that all goals come down to a desire for freedom - no matter what that goal may look like on the surface.
Also, all goals are about "freedom from" and "freedom to."
In other words, you need to get clear in answering this question:
What is it that you want less of in your life and what is it that you want more of? 
It all comes down to that.

(This sounds very simple and in many ways it is. What gets complicated is when either we aren't sure of the deeper want or when we run into limiting thoughts and beliefs that have been "downloaded" over the years that are in conflict with the goals we have chosen. Again, this process varies greatly from person to person. Essentially, that's why Holistic Wellness Life Coaching is individualized and goes beyond traditional coaching methods to include guided meditation and imagery.)

To illustrate the point, here is a powerful example that many can relate to. One of the most common issues I work with is weight loss. This is clearly an issue that is deeper than it appears on the surface. No one really seeks coaching because the goal is to eat healthy and exercise! That is the ACTION that must be taken consistently over time to achieve and maintain a healthy weight.

To confuse the action with the goal is the #1 way to literally kill your motivation, yet so many people approach change that way. It simply does not work.

Weight loss is about freedom!

Freedom from:
Chronic pain caused by excess pressure on the joints
Medical issues, time, and the cost of care for conditions caused or exacerbated by excess weight
Low self-esteem associated with feeling out of control of one's habits
Feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious in your own body
(And the list goes on and on and on and varies from person to person...)

Freedom to:
Perform daily activities with greater ease
Enjoy a higher level of energy for all you do
Play, dance, go to the beach, etc. with loved ones and friends
Wear clothes that fit and feel fabulous
Eat to live, not live to eat
(And again, this list goes on and on and on and varies from person to person...)

Weight loss is just one example. Your desire for freedom may manifest itself with regard to any number of things including, but not limited to, expressing your creativity, increasing your income and financial security, buying the house or boat or car of your dreams, going on the vacation of a lifetime, changing careers, learning to sing, etc. etc. etc.

Your Declaration of Independence is the first step that will lead you to your goal of being more, doing more, and having more of what you want in life. It's all about abundant living at its finest. It's all about freedom.

What is YOUR Declaration of Independence?
What is it YOU want to enjoy freedom from or freedom to?
Most importantly, how and when are you going to start your revolution?

Now is the perfect time. Now is the only time.
Start today.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U

Fool's Gold: A Goal as a Hole That You Dig

We are indeed a goal-driven society. From education, to career, to money, and all forms of success, goals are touted as the be-all and end-all on the road to achievement. Not only must goals be formulated, they must be written down succinctly and be SMART: specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and timed. (There are different ways of teaching the acronym. This is the one I have taught and followed myself.)  Goals must also be periodically reviewed for progress and re-evaluation. In pursuit of our goals, we must remember that there is no failure, only feedback. And on and on goes the "coach speak" with regard to getting anywhere in life. The motivational strategies are research-based and proven to be effective. So...the message is, "Keep on keepin' on..."

But wait...!!! I have followed these formulas to the letter. I have done all I can with regard to pursuit of my goals. I am motivated. I am determined. In fact, in many cases, I have achieved the goals. Sometimes my success has been greater than I expected. My ego is stoked. My ego has been stroked. I am happy. At least for now...

Then Boom, Crash, Zap, Poof...That happiness is gone! Now what?

Back it up...

Goal setting is indeed a powerful process in climbing the ladder of success, but as it has been said, you need to be aware of where you choose to place that ladder. Otherwise, you will get to the top and simply find yourself trying to maintain your excitement and your balance on the highest rung with perhaps nowhere to go but down. That's why we all need to dig deeper to uncover our highest intentions. Otherwise, what seems like climbing the ladder of success becomes tantamount to digging ourselves into a proverbial hole. The more we try, the more we spin our wheels, the more we find ourselves stuck. It is at that point that we may become deeply embedded in the false belief that life is not fair and that all of the positive things we have read, heard, and been taught must be the ramblings of the chosen few who can afford to preach such rubbish from the comfort of their ivory towers. Lest we lose heart, be assured, there IS another way.

Many of our goals are likened to fool's gold. We dig, and we dig, and we dig our heels in further until we at last have that glistening lump of gold that we thought was a gem in our worn and blistered hands. We paid the price. Here's the prize. Oops. Not so fast. The shiny object is indeed worthless and our efforts are for naught. We only wanted the real thing. Not a cheap imitation.

Here's where we can claim the true power of manifesting our heart's desire. In order to manifest your heart's desire, you must KNOW what it is! In order to know what it is, you must be open to receiving this information. In order to be open, you must soften your stance. In order to soften your stance, you need to be present. In order to be present, you must cultivate a degree of inner peace. In order to cultivate inner peace, you must be willing to align your personality with your soul. In order to align your personality with your soul, you simply have to know and trust that it is the highest part of you that always seeks to manifest the highest good of all concerned, including you. In order to know and trust your soul, you need to choose to connect with the Great Power of the Universe that is Your Source of Being. And that brings us to the "Good News." You are already connected to Your Source.  Your Source is Pure Love and all that is Go(o)d. You are a Spark of the Divine. Therefore, there is only One Power, One Way, One Intention, and that Intention is to BE the Love that you are and seek to express that Love in all that you do in an ever-evolving upward spiral. Just choose Love and your goals, whatever they may be, will be backed by the Power of the Universe for your Best and Highest Good - all the time - Guaranteed!

So, behind all of the glitz and glamour of the image of climbing the ladder of success, you may find a multitude of haggard laborers digging deeper and deeper holes that lead them nowhere but into greater darkness and isolation. That is the aftermath of the goals of fear: Fear of failure, fear of lack, fear of being unworthy, fear of _________________________(fill in the blank). Even if you manage to reach the goal through the sweat of your brow, that same brow is soon furrowed as you ponder your next move. Surely, the next goal will be "it."

The lesson here is simply this: Beware of a goal that stems from fear no matter how noble it may appear. A goal motivated by fear will weaken and disappoint you every time. It is the ultimate fool's goal that leaves you exhausted and discouraged. You truly have a choice in this matter - no matter how far you have come or how far you feel you have left to go. You can now choose to have access to the fuel behind any goal you may set, whether it be a wellness goal such as weight loss, a career goal, a financial goal, etc. The form that your goals take will be as individualized as your journey itself. Ultimately, it is not the goal that matters. It is what fuels the goal that determines your destination as well as the quality of your experience along the way. And that, my friend, is all you really need to know. The power of your intention is the power behind your goal and you have the power to choose. 

Start now - Tap into the Ultimate Power of the Universe. 
Begin in Love.
End in Love. 
And just watch how that one decision changes everything in between.

Namaste.
It makes me smile to hold this vision for us all. Go in Peace, and Love, and Joy.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U