MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Here are the 4 Keys You Need to Succeed

I always hesitate to use the words "success" and "succeed" in my content or on my website. Why? I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I read Sarah Santacroce's wonderful book, Marketing Like We're Human. After that, it became crystal clear to me that those words are often loaded with meaning and can trigger feelings of pressure, stress, and cringing at the thought that we are somehow "less than" as we are and need to get ahead in order to earn our worthiness. UGH! The word success has been overused and somehow corrupted because so many of us are conditioned to associate the concept as simply a means to a nebulous end that requires that intense driving and striving energy which is NOT what Nurture U is all about. I think you get my point! So let's redefine success right here, right now.

In a nutshell, success is about quality of life! True success is about finding a sense of balance in order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Yes, that does indeed require effort, but for many of us, we need to step away from "efforting" and learn how to incorporate more of the "go with the flow" attitude to keep us out of living in a chronic state of fight or flight! Perhaps this all sounds a bit like a "note to self." Yep - you guessed it! It is. Read on and see if you can relate...

I am the craziest mix of characteristics. I always have been. As a result, I never felt like I fit in. (But now I know that's ok and I am blessed with the very best of friends who know and appreciate me just as I am!) On one hand, I am super driven to achieve. On the other hand, I am a Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, who needs a lot of quiet, solitude, and downtime. I also suffer from what I have come to call "TFS Disease" which stands for Too Freaking Serious. My mind is very active. I love learning and taking in new information, especially on subjects I'm so passionate about like plant based eating. I think way too much and oh so deeply too. Yet, I have a quick and clever sense of humor that earned me the honor of being voted "Wittiest Girl" in my high school graduating class. I even showcased my humor at a local tavern with two appearances doing stand up comedy on open mic nights. The dichotomies go on and so could I, but I digress. My point is, that I often feel like I'm going through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I always need to attend to the issue of BALANCE! How about you?

Chances are your challenges are different than mine, but yet it's safe to assume that you know that feeling. You want to do more and be more, but pushing yourself nonstop and regularly beyond your limits is simply not sustainable. That's precisely how Nurture U came into being. I finally embraced what has been the company motto and my North Star (officially since 2005, but the foundation was slowly built for many years preceding that): "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In more recent years, I have streamlined an approach to helping myself and my clients to put this into practice by attending to The 4 Keys to Nurture U as listed above. Here's a bit more about each of these keys. Although I was not able to so clearly define them before, I realize now that the 4 keys have always been my focus.

1) Calm Your Life

This is the first key for a very good reason! If you don't make the time and space for quiet and reflection, you may find yourself stuck in default mode where you are perpetually reacting to the people, circumstances, and events in your life and feeling like a victim. Contrast this with feeling empowered to co-create a life more in alignment with your values and purpose, choosing your responses, and enjoying the freedom of balanced living. To get to that point, you need need to know how to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy. This is one of the first things I help my clients to do in order to attend more fully to the other 3.

2) Soothe Your Soul

This second key is just as awesome as it sounds. It's all about tapping into the mind, body, spirit connection. The word "soul" in this context means the deepest part of you, your unseen essence, your energy, and/or your spirit. Soul encompasses all that and more. It's what some call your "True Self." In order to live as a happy, healthy, heart-centered person, you need to cultivate a sense of calm, confidence, and connection. When I work with clients, the best way I know of to access all this inner wisdom and the highest self is through relaxation and guided meditation. It's a beautiful thing! That is how Nurture U sessions were dubbed "a spa for the soul." I also teach my clients some basic breathing and meditation techniques. We explore other ways of balancing the nervous system for optimal functioning as well including walks in nature, spending time near water, and daily practices such as yoga and journaling. It's all good!

3) Care for Your Body

This third key is often viewed as things we need to add to our ever lengthening "to do" list. In fact, some people view this aspect of self care in such a negative light that is becomes a dreaded combination of shoulds, oughts, musts, rules, regulations, and is quite frankly, completely devoid of joy! But, it doesn't have to be that way at all! In fact, the Nurture U way is a gentle way that incorporates 3 basic categories: The Power of Plants, Mindful Movement, and The Wonder of Water! That doesn't sound so bad now, does it? Here's a brief summary of what I work toward with my clients to put this into action. I share with them how to start to move in the direction of just eating more plants! I call it "Whole Food Plant Based Joy" and trust me, I'm a foodie and that's exactly how I see it. No deprivation, just a yummy healthy way of eating that benefits our health, the planet, and the animals. More on that another time. Mindful movement is all about becoming more active in ways that renew and restore your energy rather than depleting it. It's about moving more, but also feeling good about the how, when, where, and how much you move too. Exercise can become more joyful and less of a chore when approached in a different way! Lastly, water is definitely the best way to hydrate your body and hopefully is, or can become, your beverage of choice - not exclusively, but rather as a primary source. (Yes, I drink some coffee and shhhh don't tell anyone, but I even put a little pure maple syrup in it too!) Water is also a great stress buster. There's nothing like a shower or bath to refresh, relax, and renew your energy. Being by a calm body of water does that for me too. I regularly incorporate water into guided meditations for clients who resonate with its healing and restorative powers.

4) Grow Your Joy! 

Yes, please!! Let's ALL attend to THAT one, eh? My youngest granddaughter who is 9,  has the cutest little go-to text reply which is HEHE. She truly is the embodiment of joy and spreads it wherever she goes and with whomever she is with so it is only fitting that I use that as the acronym for turning your life into a Health Enhancing Happiness Experiment! Doesn't that sound fabulous?!?! And just know, you don't have to quit your job, go on an extended retreat, live on a mountaintop, or even change much of anything other than shifting your perspective and priorities to let more joy shine through. For me, JOY stands for Just the little things, Obligations made more pleasant, and Your special experiences. The little joys of the day for me might include a slow morning reading something uplifting while savoring my coffee and enjoying a big bowl of fresh, colorful fruit before breakfast. (I love pretty food!) I also cherish the time I spend snuggling with my kitty on the couch. Other simple pleasures include sunsets over the lake and watching old sitcoms. Sometimes we just need to make a little extra effort to allow the time to enjoy the little things. An example of how obligations can be made more pleasant might include getting a little more creative in the kitchen, trying new recipes, or even making cooking easier by buying convenience items such as prewashed salads and precut veggies. Think about how you might make the things you need to do a little faster, easier, or even more fun. Put on music or listen to a podcast while you dust. Just try something along those lines. It really does make a difference. Lastly, make sure that you make it a priority to enjoy whatever is special to you! That might include travel, photography, painting, crafts, dining out, boating...whatever it is that lights you up. Make it a point to do more of that!

OK, so that's my take on the basic framework to Nurture U. Let me know if you have any questions or what I can do to support you along the way. Call or email me to set up a complimentary consultation to see if working together would be a good fit for you. Connect with me on Facebook and/or Instagram to keep in touch. Subscribe to my newsletter on the homepage of my website and get a copy of the Nurture U Wheel of Wellness and how you can use it to bring more balance into your life. If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, send a request to join my private Facebook group, TLC  for HSPs. There are so many different ways to move in a new direction. But whatever you do, MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

The Myth of Blooming Where You Are Planted!

Imagine if you will, the most beautiful, lush hibiscus with vibrant scarlet blossoms and verdant dense foliage. The plant is uprooted from its tropical paradise and transplanted in the dry, desert sand. A nearby cactus with its blossoms in full splendor is taken and transplanted in the tropical paradise location. 

Both the tropical paradise and the desert as well as the two plants are magnificent creations. Each is miraculously designed to be unique, adding to the beauty and wonder of the universe. However, a short time later, each plant is barely surviving whereas they were both once thriving! The hibiscus is dry and burnt. The foliage is sparse and the blossoms have all withered away. The branches are dry and cracking. The cactus blooms are also gone. The cactus itself is spongy and rotting.

How does it happen that the two once beautiful plants are now dying?

The answer is quite simple and yet profound. No matter how beautiful the plant or the environment, the two must be matched to encourage each to not only survive, but to thrive! There is nothing intrinsically wrong with either plant or even the two different environments. And furthermore, passing judgment about the devastating results and bemoaning what has already occurred would be futile and a waste of energy. The fact is, the divine design must prevail, thus the myth of blooming where you are planted must be laid to rest.

Each of us is a magnificent creation capable of radiating our beauty, joy, and love out into the universe through our own special skills, talents, and abilities. This can only occur if we acknowledge, respect, and appreciate ourselves for the divine beings that we are and honor our own unique needs. As we choose to do so, this benefits not only us, but all those around us as well. How we care for ourselves impacts all that we think, say, and do. In other words, if we want to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters, we simply cannot afford to live any other way.

So, if you are feeling like you are just (or barely) surviving rather than thriving, there is a way out and up. We need to tune into our thoughts and feelings as important barometers that measure whether we are in alignment with happiness, health, and purpose. If you are having a variety of chronic health issues, that's your body's way of alerting you to pay more attention to nourishing your body, mind, and spirit in ways that add to your well being. If you find that your moods are negative and heavy, again, that's a signal that you are off track and need to head in a new direction. We really do get these messages each and every day and if we ignore them, whether intentionally or unintentionally, the messages can and do get louder and often result in conditions that demand our time and attention.

That's why, the number one message of Nurture U has always been that "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!" You are the only one that has the power to make the decision to give yourself what you need to flourish and yes, that means if what you are currently doing and experiencing is not working for you, then it's time to change. It's time to Nurture U! 

Yes, YOU CAN and I can help! Together we can help you get clear about what it is that you DO want, set positive intentions, and choose the inspired action that will head you in that new direction. Perhaps, most importantly, you will experience and learn the incredible power of tapping into the mind-body-spirit connection in the process of change. That is truly "the difference that makes the difference!"

Why wait? Find out how Nurture U Life Coaching can be tailored to help you to meet your unique challenges. Schedule a complimentary consultation today.

If you or someone you love would like to keep in touch with the latest News to Nurture U, please sign up here and you will receive a copy of the Nurture U Holistic Wellness Self-Assessment Tool. That is a great first step toward the healthy self-care that you not only need, but deserve. 

Trust me, it's a process; so let's get you started. 

Be well. Be blessed.

💛Mary Ellen 

 

The Highly Sensitive Person Label: Limitation or Liberation?

 

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) myself, this question is indeed near and dear to my heart! Once you "find out" you are an HSP, that is the main issue that you need to address to move from acknowledging the trait to accepting the trait. It is only then that you can learn to effectively accommodate and accentuate your inherent nature. Essentially, the HSP label is either an asset or a liability depending on how you choose to view it.

Therein lies the answer to whether the HSP label is a limitation or liberation: 

It really IS your choice!

Your decision is the difference that will make the difference. If you allow yourself to fall into a victim mentality because this is a trait you were born with and it's not going to go away, you will tend toward avoidance in life and spend a great deal of your energy working to control people, circumstances and events so as to not upset the proverbial apple cart. This is an exhausting way to live. Unfortunately, I know that from past experience. It is in fact, quite limiting!

On the other hand, the HSP label can be the best thing that has ever happened to you! Suddenly you realize why you have felt "different" all of your life, why you have been conditioned to react the way you do, and it is a terrific relief to finally know that 20% of the population can relate to your experience. You embrace this new knowledge and learn the most effective strategies for healing the past, enjoying the present, and co-creating the future. You now know that there are certain things you need to do to balance your nervous system for optimal functioning. You understand that there are ways that you will choose to practice healthy self-care that may differ from the 80% of the population that are non-HSPs and you set the healthy boundaries that allow you the time and space to do so. In other words, Hallelujah! This is what liberation looks like!

So, how can you make the empowering choice to be liberated by the HSP label? You absolutely need to heal the past in order to bring your best self into the present. This involves reframing your experiences prior to realizing you are an HSP in light of this new knowledge. This will allow you to release the negative energy and beliefs of the past and to reclaim the positive energy and beliefs in the present. It really is a beautiful thing to behold - even though there is work to be done to get there.

That's where you may benefit from seeking support. Read books about the HSP trait by reputable authors like Dr. Elaine Aron. Watch videos, read blog posts, join Facebook groups. Do what you can to realize what you feel is real. You are not alone. And most importantly - YOU ARE AWESOME!

Please contact me if I can support your journey to acknowledge, accept, accommodate, and accentuate your trait as a Highly Sensitive Person. Visit the Nurture U website for more information about Holistic Wellness Life Coaching and tapping into the mind-body-spirit connection in the process of change. Hypnotherapy and hypnosis are especially effective tools for learning how to lovingly direct your mind and therefore your life. If you have any questions, you are welcome to request a complimentary phone consultation as well.

As for me? I am so happy I chose liberation over limitation. 

I know you can too.

It's time to learn to thrive not just survive!

Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity.

Back to Basics: Adulting 101

In her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron refers to the work of Mary Rothbart of the University of Oregon on human development and temperament. As adults, we are capable of using the power of reason to make choices, consciously direct our attention, and exert our willpower to follow through on our decisions and commitments. As the title so clearly states, this is absolutely nothing new at this point. It is a statement of basic common knowledge about how to successfully navigate adulthood. So what's the problem? We all at some point get hijacked and start to doubt these truths that while proven by research, are really quite self-evident.

Why the doubt?

How many times have you set out to achieve some goal or complete a long overdue project with great enthusiasm only to find yourself ready to throw in the towel when you come up against the first obstacle or two? I'm guessing you can relate. I know I can! At those times, it seems that reason, choice, and willpower have left the station and there you are metaphorically standing on the platform wondering what just happened and perhaps even feeling abandoned. Of course, in this case, you haven't really been abandoned by anyone or anything but honestly, self-abandonment can feel even worse. 

Each time throughout our lives that we encounter difficulties, the way we handle them is largely based on our conditioning and past experiences. The deepest level of our conditioning took place BEFORE we reached the age of reason. We were conditioned to believe certain things about ourselves, our family, other people, and the world and life in general. At this young age, we were literally like little sponges soaking up everything we saw, heard, felt, and experienced. Because we did not have the skills to evaluate and filter these experiences, we simply absorbed them as is. In other words, our conditioning reflects the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us, NOT our preferences and choices. And that is the start of the inner conflict. As this sets the stage, our experiences begin to both reflect and reinforce our early conditioning.

When what we are experiencing in life is not reflective of what we SAY we want, it is often due to our programming. Let's be honest, that is not always the case. As we know, we are not in control of other people, circumstances, and events that surround and befall us. So, let's not get caught up in magical thinking or quibbling over every cosmic quandary, but rather let's focus on what we CAN DO which is to deal with those persistent inherited beliefs about what we can and cannot do, the shoulds, oughts, and musts, and all the rest that keep us feeling stuck. We can loosen the grip of the past and begin to feel more freedom in the present by identifying that negative prior programming and choosing anew that which will truly reflect who we are and what we want to do with this one wild and precious life as Mary Oliver poetically refers to it.

That's why I have always been a "different kind of coach with a decidedly different approach!" After first getting my coaching credentials, I realized that I needed another way to help my clients get unstuck from ingrained habits and beliefs in order to be happy, healthy, and live a life that matters. That's why I went on to be trained in hypnotherapy and to study meditation through my yoga teacher training. That provided me with the ability to expertly guide my clients through relaxation and meditation to tap into the power of the mind-body-spirit connection in the process of change to access inner wisdom, heal and release the past, and commit to inspired action in the present. It is truly an amazingly effective process that I feel humbled and privileged to be a part of.

So, in order to get back to the basics of adulting and exercise the power of reason, choice, and will, we need to do some work to clear out the old in order to welcome the new. Growth and healing our energy is indeed possible. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to support you on your continued journey of wholeness.

Be well. Be blessed. And do what needs to be done.