When Did Rest Become Countercultural?

That's a question that we as a society need to seriously ask ourselves. When DID rest become countercultural AND perhaps even more importantly, WHY do we allow that to be the prevailing narrative that we all feel obliged to succumb to?!?! That's quite a big question to address. Plus, anyone who knows me knows that I tend toward being a tad (ok - more than a tad) wordy. That said, I am set to tackle this in as few words as possible in the interest of time knowing that ironically, that is a huge part of the issue. So here goes...

In spite of all our advances in technology and all of the various gizmos, gadgets, and appliances to make our lives easier and to free up our time, it seems to me that it hasn't had that effect. In fact, sometimes I think the pursuit of it all related to the more, better, faster mentality actually causes some of us to pick up the pace, keep going when our energy is waning, and ignore the signals sent by our body, mind, and spirit that we need to slow down, take a deep breath, stretch, or take a short break and walk around - even if it's just to refill our water bottle so we can stay hydrated to better focus on the task at hand. In essence, even our "breaks" are designed to be a quick way to get back into the grind and keep grinding away.

Sound familiar? It sure does to me! Striving for balance has been the on-going story of my life. Yep, it's true. We teach what we have most needed to learn and even keep learning! We are all a work in progress. Thankfully, I have learned a lot along the way out of sheer necessity and desperation, so that is why I'm so passionate about sharing it with others. Maybe, just maybe, something I say will click for you and help you to create a shift. (And by the way, I LOVE to hear about it when that happens, so please don't hesitate to reply and let me know what resonates for you.)

Here's the thing - I have sounded like a broken record since 2005 repeating the same message over and over again: "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity." That summarizes the gist of what we need to do to set the foundation to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. So when it comes to putting it into practice, what stops us? And furthermore, what can we do to move past those blocks?

Like so many things in life, the answer is simple but not easy. Many of us are heart-centered people who long to make a positive difference in the world. We find that because of our desire to be there for others, we put ourselves, our needs, and our desires on the back burner. Sometimes, we may actually feel guilty or fear that we are being selfish and letting others down when we take time out for ourselves. What will they think? 

On the other hand, many of us are "Type A" individuals who are driven to high achievement and success. We love to meet new challenges, complete exciting projects, and crave that feeling of accomplishment we get in moving forward with our goals in all areas of life including our career and finances. 

And then - God forbid - there are those of us who fall into BOTH categories. Yep, that's me.

For as long as I can remember, I was an enigma even to myself as I went through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the accelerator. I was the one who ping ponged between the 2 extremes of the stress response. I literally was living in survival mode bouncing from periods of fight to periods of flight. I'd be out there "crushing it" only to find that I was crushing myself in the process and needed to retreat for a period of time to recover. How long of a retreat I needed depended on the level of depletion I allowed to occur before I crashed. Ugh! That is no way to live. I suffered from digestive issues, migraines, frequent infections, aches, pains, and even got mono at one point. The struggle was real!

Why did this happen? Because for a myriad of reasons  - including the real world responsibilities of working, raising a child, meeting expenses, taking care of the house, and all of the other demands of living - I was putting out so much energy without replenishing that I was burning out fast. Thankfully, I was able to come back from this and commit to restoring a strong foundation of healthy self-care which I now know and respect as essential for all I want to be and do! Healthy self-care doesn't stop you from that - it's the path to getting you there! 

I am so far from perfect - and I'm ok with that. As the saying goes, "Perfection is the enemy of the good." However, I do practice what I preach. I incorporate the 4 Keys to Nurture U into my life. I set healthy boundaries around my time and energy to get back into balance. I give myself enough time and space to feel like I have "breathing room." I have daily downtime to help me process the events of the day and renew my energy. I do what I need to do to feel calm, confident, and connected to the greater energy and purpose of my life. I listen to uplifting, transformational audios, including hypnosis and guided meditations. I stay hydrated and eat a well-balanced plant based diet. I enjoy mindful movement, especially my walks in the woods. Lastly, the older I get the more I realize the importance of cultivating joy, whether in the simple pleasures and tasks of daily life like relishing a nice hot shower at the end of the day or the bigger blessings of spending cherished time with family and friends - including my favorite furry feline BFF Bella. It's all GOOD! Now, isn't it time to Nurture U?

Well, I probably exceeded my intended number of words already, but suffice it to say that if I have gotten across the message that rest and healthy self-care are NOT the opposite of productivity, but rather the prerequisite, then I'm ok with that. I'm guessing that if you are still reading, then you are too.

Please let me know your thoughts on the topic. 

Also, as always, let me know if there's anything I can do to support you along the way. 

Wishing you wellness,

Mary Ellen

 

 

MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Here are the 4 Keys You Need to Succeed

I always hesitate to use the words "success" and "succeed" in my content or on my website. Why? I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I read Sarah Santacroce's wonderful book, Marketing Like We're Human. After that, it became crystal clear to me that those words are often loaded with meaning and can trigger feelings of pressure, stress, and cringing at the thought that we are somehow "less than" as we are and need to get ahead in order to earn our worthiness. UGH! The word success has been overused and somehow corrupted because so many of us are conditioned to associate the concept as simply a means to a nebulous end that requires that intense driving and striving energy which is NOT what Nurture U is all about. I think you get my point! So let's redefine success right here, right now.

In a nutshell, success is about quality of life! True success is about finding a sense of balance in order to be happy, be healthy, and live a life that matters. Yes, that does indeed require effort, but for many of us, we need to step away from "efforting" and learn how to incorporate more of the "go with the flow" attitude to keep us out of living in a chronic state of fight or flight! Perhaps this all sounds a bit like a "note to self." Yep - you guessed it! It is. Read on and see if you can relate...

I am the craziest mix of characteristics. I always have been. As a result, I never felt like I fit in. (But now I know that's ok and I am blessed with the very best of friends who know and appreciate me just as I am!) On one hand, I am super driven to achieve. On the other hand, I am a Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, who needs a lot of quiet, solitude, and downtime. I also suffer from what I have come to call "TFS Disease" which stands for Too Freaking Serious. My mind is very active. I love learning and taking in new information, especially on subjects I'm so passionate about like plant based eating. I think way too much and oh so deeply too. Yet, I have a quick and clever sense of humor that earned me the honor of being voted "Wittiest Girl" in my high school graduating class. I even showcased my humor at a local tavern with two appearances doing stand up comedy on open mic nights. The dichotomies go on and so could I, but I digress. My point is, that I often feel like I'm going through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I always need to attend to the issue of BALANCE! How about you?

Chances are your challenges are different than mine, but yet it's safe to assume that you know that feeling. You want to do more and be more, but pushing yourself nonstop and regularly beyond your limits is simply not sustainable. That's precisely how Nurture U came into being. I finally embraced what has been the company motto and my North Star (officially since 2005, but the foundation was slowly built for many years preceding that): "Healthy self-care is NOT a luxury; it's a necessity!"

In more recent years, I have streamlined an approach to helping myself and my clients to put this into practice by attending to The 4 Keys to Nurture U as listed above. Here's a bit more about each of these keys. Although I was not able to so clearly define them before, I realize now that the 4 keys have always been my focus.

1) Calm Your Life

This is the first key for a very good reason! If you don't make the time and space for quiet and reflection, you may find yourself stuck in default mode where you are perpetually reacting to the people, circumstances, and events in your life and feeling like a victim. Contrast this with feeling empowered to co-create a life more in alignment with your values and purpose, choosing your responses, and enjoying the freedom of balanced living. To get to that point, you need need to know how to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy. This is one of the first things I help my clients to do in order to attend more fully to the other 3.

2) Soothe Your Soul

This second key is just as awesome as it sounds. It's all about tapping into the mind, body, spirit connection. The word "soul" in this context means the deepest part of you, your unseen essence, your energy, and/or your spirit. Soul encompasses all that and more. It's what some call your "True Self." In order to live as a happy, healthy, heart-centered person, you need to cultivate a sense of calm, confidence, and connection. When I work with clients, the best way I know of to access all this inner wisdom and the highest self is through relaxation and guided meditation. It's a beautiful thing! That is how Nurture U sessions were dubbed "a spa for the soul." I also teach my clients some basic breathing and meditation techniques. We explore other ways of balancing the nervous system for optimal functioning as well including walks in nature, spending time near water, and daily practices such as yoga and journaling. It's all good!

3) Care for Your Body

This third key is often viewed as things we need to add to our ever lengthening "to do" list. In fact, some people view this aspect of self care in such a negative light that is becomes a dreaded combination of shoulds, oughts, musts, rules, regulations, and is quite frankly, completely devoid of joy! But, it doesn't have to be that way at all! In fact, the Nurture U way is a gentle way that incorporates 3 basic categories: The Power of Plants, Mindful Movement, and The Wonder of Water! That doesn't sound so bad now, does it? Here's a brief summary of what I work toward with my clients to put this into action. I share with them how to start to move in the direction of just eating more plants! I call it "Whole Food Plant Based Joy" and trust me, I'm a foodie and that's exactly how I see it. No deprivation, just a yummy healthy way of eating that benefits our health, the planet, and the animals. More on that another time. Mindful movement is all about becoming more active in ways that renew and restore your energy rather than depleting it. It's about moving more, but also feeling good about the how, when, where, and how much you move too. Exercise can become more joyful and less of a chore when approached in a different way! Lastly, water is definitely the best way to hydrate your body and hopefully is, or can become, your beverage of choice - not exclusively, but rather as a primary source. (Yes, I drink some coffee and shhhh don't tell anyone, but I even put a little pure maple syrup in it too!) Water is also a great stress buster. There's nothing like a shower or bath to refresh, relax, and renew your energy. Being by a calm body of water does that for me too. I regularly incorporate water into guided meditations for clients who resonate with its healing and restorative powers.

4) Grow Your Joy! 

Yes, please!! Let's ALL attend to THAT one, eh? My youngest granddaughter who is 9,  has the cutest little go-to text reply which is HEHE. She truly is the embodiment of joy and spreads it wherever she goes and with whomever she is with so it is only fitting that I use that as the acronym for turning your life into a Health Enhancing Happiness Experiment! Doesn't that sound fabulous?!?! And just know, you don't have to quit your job, go on an extended retreat, live on a mountaintop, or even change much of anything other than shifting your perspective and priorities to let more joy shine through. For me, JOY stands for Just the little things, Obligations made more pleasant, and Your special experiences. The little joys of the day for me might include a slow morning reading something uplifting while savoring my coffee and enjoying a big bowl of fresh, colorful fruit before breakfast. (I love pretty food!) I also cherish the time I spend snuggling with my kitty on the couch. Other simple pleasures include sunsets over the lake and watching old sitcoms. Sometimes we just need to make a little extra effort to allow the time to enjoy the little things. An example of how obligations can be made more pleasant might include getting a little more creative in the kitchen, trying new recipes, or even making cooking easier by buying convenience items such as prewashed salads and precut veggies. Think about how you might make the things you need to do a little faster, easier, or even more fun. Put on music or listen to a podcast while you dust. Just try something along those lines. It really does make a difference. Lastly, make sure that you make it a priority to enjoy whatever is special to you! That might include travel, photography, painting, crafts, dining out, boating...whatever it is that lights you up. Make it a point to do more of that!

OK, so that's my take on the basic framework to Nurture U. Let me know if you have any questions or what I can do to support you along the way. Call or email me to set up a complimentary consultation to see if working together would be a good fit for you. Connect with me on Facebook and/or Instagram to keep in touch. Subscribe to my newsletter on the homepage of my website and get a copy of the Nurture U Wheel of Wellness and how you can use it to bring more balance into your life. If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, send a request to join my private Facebook group, TLC  for HSPs. There are so many different ways to move in a new direction. But whatever you do, MAKE 2022 THE YEAR TO NURTURE U! 

Back to Basics: Adulting 101

In her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron refers to the work of Mary Rothbart of the University of Oregon on human development and temperament. As adults, we are capable of using the power of reason to make choices, consciously direct our attention, and exert our willpower to follow through on our decisions and commitments. As the title so clearly states, this is absolutely nothing new at this point. It is a statement of basic common knowledge about how to successfully navigate adulthood. So what's the problem? We all at some point get hijacked and start to doubt these truths that while proven by research, are really quite self-evident.

Why the doubt?

How many times have you set out to achieve some goal or complete a long overdue project with great enthusiasm only to find yourself ready to throw in the towel when you come up against the first obstacle or two? I'm guessing you can relate. I know I can! At those times, it seems that reason, choice, and willpower have left the station and there you are metaphorically standing on the platform wondering what just happened and perhaps even feeling abandoned. Of course, in this case, you haven't really been abandoned by anyone or anything but honestly, self-abandonment can feel even worse. 

Each time throughout our lives that we encounter difficulties, the way we handle them is largely based on our conditioning and past experiences. The deepest level of our conditioning took place BEFORE we reached the age of reason. We were conditioned to believe certain things about ourselves, our family, other people, and the world and life in general. At this young age, we were literally like little sponges soaking up everything we saw, heard, felt, and experienced. Because we did not have the skills to evaluate and filter these experiences, we simply absorbed them as is. In other words, our conditioning reflects the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us, NOT our preferences and choices. And that is the start of the inner conflict. As this sets the stage, our experiences begin to both reflect and reinforce our early conditioning.

When what we are experiencing in life is not reflective of what we SAY we want, it is often due to our programming. Let's be honest, that is not always the case. As we know, we are not in control of other people, circumstances, and events that surround and befall us. So, let's not get caught up in magical thinking or quibbling over every cosmic quandary, but rather let's focus on what we CAN DO which is to deal with those persistent inherited beliefs about what we can and cannot do, the shoulds, oughts, and musts, and all the rest that keep us feeling stuck. We can loosen the grip of the past and begin to feel more freedom in the present by identifying that negative prior programming and choosing anew that which will truly reflect who we are and what we want to do with this one wild and precious life as Mary Oliver poetically refers to it.

That's why I have always been a "different kind of coach with a decidedly different approach!" After first getting my coaching credentials, I realized that I needed another way to help my clients get unstuck from ingrained habits and beliefs in order to be happy, healthy, and live a life that matters. That's why I went on to be trained in hypnotherapy and to study meditation through my yoga teacher training. That provided me with the ability to expertly guide my clients through relaxation and meditation to tap into the power of the mind-body-spirit connection in the process of change to access inner wisdom, heal and release the past, and commit to inspired action in the present. It is truly an amazingly effective process that I feel humbled and privileged to be a part of.

So, in order to get back to the basics of adulting and exercise the power of reason, choice, and will, we need to do some work to clear out the old in order to welcome the new. Growth and healing our energy is indeed possible. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to support you on your continued journey of wholeness.

Be well. Be blessed. And do what needs to be done.

What is YOUR Declaration of Independence?

Let's face it, in spite of the myriad of differences, the truth is that we all share the same goal.
We all want freedom.
Freedom from and freedom to.

Let me explain...

When I was going through my coach training, one of the things I learned is how to skillfully ask clients a series of questions in order to help them to gain greater clarity with regard to the goals that they intend to achieve. However, even more important than helping clients to identify goals is the need to elicit the deeper want behind the goal. The deeper want is what provides us with the motivation to keep moving toward the goal in spite of the inevitable bumps we will encounter. That's just the way it is.
(Trust me, if the road to success was that easy, we would run into a lot more traffic on the way!)

So, after working with hundreds and hundreds of clients, I can honestly say that all goals come down to a desire for freedom - no matter what that goal may look like on the surface.
Also, all goals are about "freedom from" and "freedom to."
In other words, you need to get clear in answering this question:
What is it that you want less of in your life and what is it that you want more of? 
It all comes down to that.

(This sounds very simple and in many ways it is. What gets complicated is when either we aren't sure of the deeper want or when we run into limiting thoughts and beliefs that have been "downloaded" over the years that are in conflict with the goals we have chosen. Again, this process varies greatly from person to person. Essentially, that's why Holistic Wellness Life Coaching is individualized and goes beyond traditional coaching methods to include guided meditation and imagery.)

To illustrate the point, here is a powerful example that many can relate to. One of the most common issues I work with is weight loss. This is clearly an issue that is deeper than it appears on the surface. No one really seeks coaching because the goal is to eat healthy and exercise! That is the ACTION that must be taken consistently over time to achieve and maintain a healthy weight.

To confuse the action with the goal is the #1 way to literally kill your motivation, yet so many people approach change that way. It simply does not work.

Weight loss is about freedom!

Freedom from:
Chronic pain caused by excess pressure on the joints
Medical issues, time, and the cost of care for conditions caused or exacerbated by excess weight
Low self-esteem associated with feeling out of control of one's habits
Feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious in your own body
(And the list goes on and on and on and varies from person to person...)

Freedom to:
Perform daily activities with greater ease
Enjoy a higher level of energy for all you do
Play, dance, go to the beach, etc. with loved ones and friends
Wear clothes that fit and feel fabulous
Eat to live, not live to eat
(And again, this list goes on and on and on and varies from person to person...)

Weight loss is just one example. Your desire for freedom may manifest itself with regard to any number of things including, but not limited to, expressing your creativity, increasing your income and financial security, buying the house or boat or car of your dreams, going on the vacation of a lifetime, changing careers, learning to sing, etc. etc. etc.

Your Declaration of Independence is the first step that will lead you to your goal of being more, doing more, and having more of what you want in life. It's all about abundant living at its finest. It's all about freedom.

What is YOUR Declaration of Independence?
What is it YOU want to enjoy freedom from or freedom to?
Most importantly, how and when are you going to start your revolution?

Now is the perfect time. Now is the only time.
Start today.

As always, I trust that these words will find their way to the right people, at the perfect time, and have the intended impact on the lives and hearts of my readers for the best and Highest Good.

With Blessings, Love and Light,
Nurture U